German soccer goals mean free food and drinks for fans
German bars and bakeries had to give away more than they expected when Germany scored seven goals against Brazil Tuesday.
Patriotic sports promotions are a good way to drum up extra business during a big event like the World Cup, but several German bars and bakeries found themselves running out of stock this week after their giveaway offers got out of hand.
According to The Local, Schraders Bar in Berlin advertised free shots for every goal scored during the match between Germany and Brazil on Tuesday. Then Germany went on to stun everyone by scoring seven goals, and the bar wound up giving away over a thousand shots.
“We had to mix more,” said manager Christian Wojtek. Schraders will be reprising the promotion when Germany plays Argentina in the finals Sunday.
A restaurant in Hamburg that was giving away beer for goals wound up pouring 350 liters of free beer during the game, while a bar in Essen just gave up counting goals and put boxes of shots on the bar and told customers to help themselves.
One German bakery has been offering a free bun for every goal scored by Germany during the World Cup. The goal-related promotion was a fun, relatively low-risk way to celebrate the World Cup until Tuesday night. Wednesday they ran out of buns completely.
"I don't have exact numbers yet but we gave away hundreds of thousands of buns," said manager Dirk Jonack. The bakery wound up running out of buns completely and having to give out vouchers for free buns in the future instead.
Still, Jonack said he’d be happy to see an equally big win against Argentina in the final. The bakery would just have to make more buns.
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Greece Debates Revive Old European Fears and Resentments
PARIS — Like a ghastly family dispute in which relatives dredge up long-buried grievances, Greece’s debt crisis is driving Europeans to exhume old fears and resentments in a bitter debate about the future of their common currency.
Behind the dispute about whether and how to help Greece, the most egregious violator of the European Union’s fiscal rules, lies an unresolved difference between the founders of the Union, Germany and France, about the nature and purpose of the euro.
With governments in Berlin, Paris and Athens under strong and contradictory pressures from anxious voters, recrimination is starting to get out of hand.
“All the old debates that preceded and accompanied the launch of the euro are coming to life again after a decade of relative stability that had made them appear largely academic and historical,” said Thomas Klau, co-author with Jean Quatremer of a book on the birth of the European currency (“Ces Hommes qui ont fait l’euro,” or “The Men Who Made the Euro.”)
The Germans accepted monetary union in the 1990s on condition that the euro would be as strong as the mark, with low inflation, strict budget discipline and no bailout for the weak. The Germans insisted on a European Central Bank independent of political influence with a mandate to ensure price stability.
They wanted a small starting group of like-minded north European economies, excluding southern rim states dubbed the “Club Med.” The once-mighty German central bank, the Bundesbank, warned at the time that monetary union without strong political and economic integration was potentially fragile but was overruled.
France saw the euro from the outset primarily as a political project to anchor a united Germany into Europe and build the Union’s international power.
The French wanted a softer currency with an exchange rate managed by finance ministers to keep French planes and grain competitive on world markets.
Paris sought a “European economic government” to act as a counterweight to the European Central Bank and promote E.U. industrial champions. And it wanted a broad founding group, including the “Club Med” countries, to shield its own factories and farms from competitive devaluations by Spain and Italy.
In the grand bargain, the Germans got their hard euro, independent central bank and what seemed then like tough budget deficit rules leading to possible sanctions against repeat offenders. The French got the “Club Med” and a treaty clause making the council of E.U. finance ministers responsible for exchange rate policy, which has never been applied.
For 10 years, the euro has been a striking success, bringing currency stability, price moderation and low interest rates to the region.
But now that Greece’s giant debt and deficit have highlighted the shortcomings of the fiscal rules, the Germans and French have reverted to type in the solutions they advocate. German media, egged on by politicians who should know better, are depicting the crisis as “lazy Greeks endangering hard-working Germans’ money,” said Ulrike Guérot of the European Council on Foreign Relations in Berlin.
Berlin is hardening its stance against any European rescue and pointing Greece toward the International Monetary Fund if it needs standby loans. France believes that a call to the I.M.F., based in Washington, would be a political humiliation for the euro zone.
The Germans want new E.U. instruments of torture to enforce budget discipline more tightly on sinners. Suggestions range from making states with excessive deficits and debt pay insurance contributions to a European fund, to the possible loss of fiscal sovereignty, E.U. voting rights and ultimately expulsion from the euro zone for repeat offenders.
The call by Angela Merkel, the German chancellor, for a treaty change to allow the expulsion of errant euro members caused shock and dismay in Spain, Greece and Belgium, where the former prime minister, Guy Verhofstadt, accused her of no longer wanting European solutions.
The German finance minister, Wolfgang Schäuble, wants a European monetary fund, not so much to nurse sick countries back to fiscal health as to punish them for misbehaving and provide an orderly insolvency process to avoid contagion in the euro area.
In France, itself no model of fiscal discipline, the first instinct is for European “solidarity” with Greece (i.e., mostly Germany signing a check).
The French see the crisis as demonstrating the need for a European economic government that would coordinate industrial and budget policies better and help rebalance Germany’s export-oriented economy toward greater domestic consumption.
President Nicolas Sarkozy of France is open to an European monetary fund but would want it to raise money cheaply on capital markets and lend it to needy euro-zone countries before they faced possible default.
The suggestion last week by Christine Lagarde, the French finance minister, that selfish German economic behavior might be part of the euro zone’s problem stirred outrage in Berlin.
Mr. Schäuble said her comment that Germany could ease up on aggressive export promotion and consume a little more was like urging a soccer team to play badly to give rivals a chance.
“Christine, I’m a Bayern Munich fan,” he replied. “When Bayern were outplayed twice by Olympique Lyon in the Champions League, I thought to myself, if Lyon had only played a bit worse, Bayern would have had it easier. But we can’t build a competitive economy on this basis.”
Goal-Related Promotions Get Out of Hand in Germany - Recipes
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- 555: The number of Bob's cab.
- Abandoned Warehouse: "The Belchies" takes place in an abandoned candy factory that's set up for demolition. The children venture inside to find a supposed lost treasure from the previous owner, a la The Goonies.
- Absurdly Spacious Sewer: The aforementioned factory in "The Belchies" has a sewer that's so massive the Belchers spend an entire night just trying to get out of it. Somewhat Justified since they were used to smuggle alcohol in during Prohibition.
- In "Food Truckin", Tina mistakes Randy for Werner Herzog. Randy's voice actor, Paul F. Tompkins, is known for his Herzog impression.
- In "Moody Foodie" Bob is startled when Mr. Fischoeder likens him to a tumor with hair and teeth. H. Jon Benjamin was the voice of just such a tumor on Lucy, the Daughter of the Devil.
- The entire episode of Bob getting shanghaied by a cruise ship captain becomes even funnier if you think of it as Len Trexler getting back at Archer for all the crap he's pulled.
- An episode with Jon Hamm as a guest voice is acknowledged when Bob walks into the kitchen in a suit. Cue Louise: "Woah, Don Draper's looking fat this season!"
- In "Easy Com-mercial, Easy Go-mmercial" Jordan Peele plays a semi-brain-damaged football player not unlike the meat-headed athletes he played in sketches seen on MA Dtv and Key & Peele.
- As of "Eat, Spray, Linda" we learn that Linda has giant hands, like H. Jon Benjamin's other animated love interest, Lana.
- In "The Millie-churian Candidate", Louise (played by Kristen Schaal) discovers that a girl (nicknamed Abby) is actually named Mabel, the same name as Schaal's character on Gravity Falls.
- In "Ain't Miss Debatin'," when asked by Louise who can do a Russian accent, everyone in the room raises their hand except for Gene who's voiced by a Russia-born Eugene Mirman.
- "The Hurt Soccer" is basically an excuse to make Bob's voice actor a soccer coach again.One of the background players resembles Brendon, and Louise's teammate Mara is a dead-ringer for Melissa (and is even voiced by the same actor).
- Linda after Bob calls her "The Secretary of Nagriculture" in the pilot.
- Despite warning Linda not to start singing all week again, when she belts out a musical Big "NO!", spins around, and falls on the bed, Bob lets out a chuckle.
- While Linda is reading from Tina's diary, she finds a random entry saying that "If guys had uteruses, they'd be called duderuses." Bob snorts.
- In "The Frond Files", Bob and Linda actually enjoy their children's stories that Mr. Frond found objectionable.
- The robber from "Hamburger Dinner Theatre", who robs the restaurant and then sings a duet with Linda before leaving. Then he comes over the next day and is almost requested to do the same thing again for a second time by Linda before he runs away from the cops.
- Mickey, the bank robber from "Bob Day Afternoon." The entire time he holds the bank hostage, he's relaxed, friendly, and happily helps Louise with her essay. Overall he's just helpless without his usual robbing partner, which Bob realizes.
- Supervising Director Bernard Derriman has created a diagram to quell the notion that Bob doesn't have ears with their exact location under his hair.
- The recipe Bob uses in "Turkey in a Can" is hilariously described on the show's official Tumblr blog, supposedly from Bob himself.
- Bob and his family. In-Universe too, since in the "Torpedo" episode he's asked if he's an immigrant, though, judging by their appearance, they could be Greek or of Mediterranean descent. note According to the show creator (Loren Bouchard), the last name "Belcher" is French-Canadian, but the family is said to be a mix of Jewish, Greek, Italian, German, and Armenian (with Bob as the one with Greek and Armenian roots while Linda is Italian, German, and Jewish).
- "Darryl, you're something, right? Black?"
- The animation for the end-of-episode gags are almost always a lot more fluid and well-timed.
- The animation of Teddy getting his hand caught in the refrigerator in "Christmas In The Car" is fluid and weighty enough to be worthy of a feature film.
- "Torpedo" (Season 1): Bob meets his childhood hero, the baseball player Torpedo, and pushes Gene to participate on mascot races
- "The Unnatural" (Season 3): Gene turns out to be really bad at baseball, and Linda and Bob fight over whether he should quit or go to a training camp.
- Thinking of insulting Bob's kids, perhaps by calling them freaky? Probably not a good idea. Also, try to avoid talking about Lobsterfest.
- Don't even think about taking Louise's bunny ears. Also, if you mess up Critter the biker's vest, there will be hell to pay.
- During the Halloween party, Linda says to not even think of buying Bob a V-Neck shirt.
- Make sure not to mention "Bad Hair Day" to Linda.
- "Sheesh! Cab, Bob?" (Season 1): To get money to Tina's birthday, Bob takes a night job as a cab driver and befriends a group of transvestites.
- "Mazel-Tina" (Season 4): Tammy's birthday and Bar Mitzvah is coming and Tina tries to participate by making Bob a caterer in the party.
- "Eat, Spray, Linda" (Season 5): Linda, who hates her birthday, has to face a series of misadventures when going to buy groceries while the Belchers looks for her around the town
- "House of 1000 Bounces" (Season 6): Rudy's birthday has the celebration endangered when the bounce house for the party is taken elsewhere.
- "The Laser-inth" (Season 7): For Bob's birthday, he is going with Gene to watch a laser show, but the boy is scared of the loud noises of it.
- "Are You There Bob? It's Me, Birthday" (Season 8): Linda forgets Bob's birthday, and sends him out on a day watching Hugo the health inspector at work while she tries to throw a belated surprise party.
- Bob becomes obsessed with a video game expy of Burgertime. The sprites are Burgertime-ish but the game itself is a platformer that has massive difficulty reminiscent of early Konami games.
- Apparently the ubiquitous search engine in this show is neither Google nor Yahoo!, but Yahoogle.
- Two games that the Belchers own are called Torpedo and Surgery Sam, referring to the games Battleship and Operation respectively.
- During Rudy's big script moment in the Park Ranger's station, Harley fights with Sasha over the stress ball. "Noooo Noooo! Noooo. Noooo."
- Again during the kid's two-butted-goat-on-a-farm hunt &mdash Tammy doesnt like where Jimmy Jrs going with some valuable information. "Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait."
- Bob commonly acts as the sensible one in the family, in contrast to the rest of the Belchers. (See: son Gene, daughter Louise.)
- According to Loren Bouchard, the Burgers of the Day mean Bob's not just phoning his cooking in, but thinks of the restaurant as his own 'food laboratory'.
- Not to mention "Bob and Deliver", which shows his skill not just as a Home Ec teacher, but as the boss of a packed, student-run restaurant.
- The Fuzzy Buddies.
- In one episode there's also a literalbutt monkey.
- Bob seems to be this for the whole town- in almost every episode Bob ends up being humiliated in some fashion.
- Tina seems to be this for her siblings.
- Mr. Fischoeder's brother Felix is the Cain to the former's Abel. He even attempted to murder him and Bob to get his way.
- Tina moans on the floor in "Sheesh! Cab, Bob?" like in "Sexy Dance Fighting".
- Tina's zombie fantasy comes back at the end of episode 6 with angel wings and her unicorn poster comes to life in her Imagine Spot.
- One of the flyers Bob's kids hand out in "Burger Wars" flies past in a scene in the next episode.
- In the Pilot Episode, Linda calls Hugo while he's crying in a bathroom stall at the "Falafel Waffle" restaurant. Later, in "Nude Beach", Bob calls Hugo an 'awful man' for shutting him down after failing a health inspection. Hugo corrects Bob, saying "Uh, wr-r-rong Bob! I'm a 'lawful' man." Gene and Louise then tease him with "Falafel Man." and "Waffle Man." respectively. Tina belatedly yells "Omelets! Am I doing it right?"
- Linda says she's going to Pickles, a strip club, in "Hamburger Dinner Theater" when she's actually going to a dinner theater. Bob and the kids enter Pickles in "My Fuzzy Valentine" on a mission to get the Love Test-o-meter for Linda.
- Also Linda's constant use of the elongated "Alriiiiiiight!"
- In "World Wharf II: The Wharfening", Bob is tied up with Mr. Fischoeder and tries to use his cell phone to call Linda, but can't put it to his ear and the call is drowned out by ambient noise. He next tries sending a photo, but can't get a good angle and sends only a picture of Mr. Fischoeder's butt. Finally, he tries texting, but auto-correct garbles it and it takes a while for the others to decipher it.
- In "The Belchies", Linda tries to use her cell phone underground, which goes as well as you think it would.
- Family and sticking with each other through bad times.
- Renegade Cut argues in a video about the show that Class is also one. The Belchers face multiple challenges typical of the lower economic class, and it shows that their friends are mostly of the same class while their enemies (Mr. Fischoeder, Jimmy, Tammy, etc) are often of a class above them.
- Linda's prenatal yoga tape from "Synchronized Swimming."
- The ice cream machine in "The Deepening."
- Gene's "Super Bowel" in "Easy Commercial, Easy Gommercial."
- "God Rest Ye Merry Gentle-Mannequins" (season 3): The family befriends a man who believes he is a mannequin brought to life, and when he helps them with the decorations and marketing for Christmas, they pay him back by reuniting him with his mannequin "wife".
- "Christmas in the Car" (season 4): The family gets stuck in the car while shopping for a last-minute Christmas tree, and they get followed by a disgruntled truck driver Teddy goes to check on Bob's Christmas dinner, only to fall for the kids' "Santa trap".
- "Father of the Bob" (season 5): The family goes to spend Christmas at Bob's father's diner, causing some old friction between Bob and his dad to come to light the kids raid their grandpa's basement for a last-minute gift for Bob.
- "Nice-Capades" (season 6): Louise, Tina and Gene put on an ice-skating show to impress a Mall Santa with their so-called good deeds.
- "The Last Gingerbread House on the Left" (season 7): Bob participates with his landlord in a sketchy and strange Gingerbread House-making competition with Fischoeder's fellow eccentric millionaires Teddy goes caroling with Linda and the kids, where they try to solve the mystery of a creepy old house at the end of the street.
- "The Bleakening" (season 8): A musical two-part episode that features Linda throwing a Christmas party to bring cheer to the town. When her mini tree and the family decorations on it goes missing, Linda becomes obessed with tracking it down, while the kids suspect a Krampus-like monster called the Bleaken.
- "Better Off Sled" (season 9): The kids fight back when Logan and his friends take over the sledding hill in the park with their snowball fights Bob and Linda work on homemade gifts for the kids.
- "Have Yourself a Maily Linda Christmas" (season 10): Linda gets a part-time seasonal job working for the post office, but defies post office protocol in order to make sure a last-minute gift gets to its recipient. Gene and Louise tag along, leaving Bob and Tina to deal with Linda's crazy sister and grumpy parents by themselves.
- Linda = Red
- Louise = Green
- Tina = Blue
- Bob with his Keanu Reeves model from the movie "Speed". He even argues with it. This only lasts one episode, though. In "Crawl Space", he has Louise's Kuchi Kopi nightlight.
- Louise with the taffy booby trap dummy. thing, "Taff".
- Tina with Jeff, the "ghost" trapped in a shoe box in "Tina and the Real Ghost". At one point she even wonders if he is just a box.
- Lance the turkey in "An Indecent Thanksgiving Proposal".
- Bob's tendency towards this was explained in "Bob Fires The Kids" a bar of soap, a rusty spatula, and a scrubbing pad were his only toys, and since Bob had no friends. or rather his father forced him to spend his entire childhood working, forbidding him toys or friends, so he was forced to improvise with cooking tools when his father wasn't looking.
- As the show has continued, this tends to sum up Tina's jokes.
- In the first episode, taffy company owner Mr. Caffrey is being buried (in a candy box coffin) out of Mort's funeral home. In the season two premiere, the taffy factory is about to be torn down.
- The out-of-place bathroom designed by Felix F. remains in Wonder Wharf (and gets pointed out) instead of just disappearing (like Bob wishes it would).
- "Speakeasy Rider" features Mudflap and Critter (last seen in "Ear-sy Rider"), Gus (the elderly docks man in "Seaplane!"), and Bryce (the leader of the Hell Hunt in "Full Bars"). The episode also mentions Tina's fender bender from "Tina-Rannosaurus Wrecks."
- The Seal Mascot in "Torpedo" was the same mascot that was having sex with Teddy's ex-wife in "Bed & Breakfast" (The crown is a dead giveaway)
- Linda's love of chanting first mentioned in "Carpe Museum" is brought up again in "Something Old, Something New, Something Bob Caters For You", 5 seasons later.
- The Sofa Queen commercial from Sacred Couch is playing on the TV in the background of The Trouble With Doubles opening scene.
- The partial tattoo Bob receives in "The Equestranauts" reappears in subsequent episodes.
- The business to the right of Bob's Burgers is different in every opening. In the episode proper, it is always shown as being "For Rent", except in "Burger Wars" where the raccoon sanctuary shown in the opening is apparently still there.
- Again in "Uncle Teddy" where Carl's Pre-Owned Indoor Outhouses stays put. In both cases the business was referenced during the episode.
- The first episode of the fourth season of Archer opens with that show's Sterling Archer suffering from amnesia and thinking he is Bob Belcher (both characters are voiced by H. Jon Benjamin), though the Bob's Burgers characters with the much more detailed Archer art style leads into Uncanny Valley.
- Bob has a cameo appearance in the Family Guy episode "The Simpsons Guy".
- In-universe, during season 5, Gene and Courtney team together and make a crossover musical of Die Hard and Working Girl, called "Work Hard or Die Trying, Girl".
- To a lesser extent, Tina's bond with Bob has been the focus of a number of episodes.
- Also averted, oddly enough. The original script for the pilot had a son named Daniel in place of Tina (both voiced by Dan Mintz). The original pilot can be found here.
- In "Wharf Horse", Bob sings a song called "Oh, Nice Things are Nice" to try and convince Mr. Fischoeder to sell the Wharf. In "World Wharf II: The Wharfening", Bob sings the song again after he and Fischoeder have been tied up under the pier by Felix&mdashonly the song is now "Oh, Bad Things are Bad".
- In "Wharf Horse", Fanny's Song "Mr. Dancefloor" is sung twice, the first, normally, by herself. After a while, is sung again, this time by her, Linda, Mort and Teddy, the song is way more intense and frightening, showing scenes of Bob agreeing with Felix, the carousel being destroyed while Tina tries to protect it and Mr. Fischoeder calling people to the Wonder Wharf.
- Most of the Burgers of the Day fall into this, as even when the pun is obvious there's still a little "served with" parenthetical underneath. "New Bacon-ings (served with bacon)", "She's a Super-Leek Burger (Comes with braised leeks)", etc.
- Mort's line, "I've been murdered. to DEATH!" in "Hamburger Dinner Theater".
- Linda says she has "'90s Cosmopolitan magazines from the '90s" in "Tina-Rannosaurus Wrecks".
- In "Mother Daughter Laser Razor", Louise talks to her mother about their relationship as if they were a couple.
- "Bobsterfest" - The kids act like Lobsterfest is a religious holiday they are forbidden from celebrating. Later they describe what they want Their First Time eating lobster to be like, with Tina planning to save lobster for her wedding, Gene hoping to eat lobster in a hot tub, and Louise wanting to order lobster as her last meal on the electric chair,then use it to stab the executioner's eyes out and escape. Also, it's pretty obvious that when Gretchen was talking about Hugo's badge, she clearly meant his penis .
- Bob got addicted to "caking" (extreme patty cake) and it's portrayed as if it's some weird sex act.
- In "Itty Bittty Ditty Committee", the scene where Linda haphazardly tries to shave her armpits and Bob interferes is reminiscent of someone trying to stop a suicide attempt.
- Most of the time, the Burger of the Day board has a small "comes with [ingredient]" next to the name of the burger, in case people don't understand the pun.
- Invoked in "Tina, Tailor, Soldier, Spy". When Linda gets her hair dyed blonde, she starts screwing up orders and her intelligence drops. She goes back to normal once she returns to her black hair color again.
- At the same time subverted, since the reason she's suddenly become dumber is because she's so obsessed with her new hair colour it's all she can think about.
- Ear Ache: In "Ear-sy Rider", the One-Eyed Snakes threaten to cut off the ear of a bully named Logan if he didn't return Louise's bunny ears (which he had stolen).
- Early Installment Weirdness: And that's just putting it lightly:
- The kids were more supportive of their father until only Tina's insensitive-but-well meaning compliments to him remained. Louise was the biggest example.
- The kids were too much into profane stuff (like Gene's recording of his grandparents having sex).
- Profane stuff was very general until it switched to just weird stuff.
- Linda mentioned a lot of graphic mental images regarding Bob.
- Mr. Fischoeder had a black eyepatch in his first appearance.
- Peter Pescadero looked completely different&loz on the first season. Compare it with his regular appearence&loz for the rest of the series.
- In her first appearance Tammy was a brunette and had a crush on Zeke. Later she dyed her hair blond and any romantic feelings toward Zeke disappeared.
- The animation style in seasons 1, 2 and 3 were wildly different from the series onward. All seasons had more fluid movement and the characters stood in varied poses beyond simply facing forward most of the time , while Season 1 had the mouths curve and move in an odd way. Background characters also looked like they were in a completely different style than the main characters .
- The Theme Song for the first two seasons differs from the one used from Season 3 and on.
- Similarly, the Season 1 intro did not have the exterminator vehicle as a Couch Gag. Throughout all of Season 1, the facility was meet by a company called, "Rats All, Folks!"
- Literally happened in the Bob's Buskers "Sailors In Your Mouth" music video where the Belchers eat the members of The National, who resemble gravy sailors throughout the video.
- Gene's attempt to complete a parenting assignment in "The Outside Toilet". He near-immediately drops the flour bag representing a child and breaks it open. Then, when he's given a replacement, he drops it and breaks it the second Frond lets go of the bag. He then goes to steal another kid's flour bag. and proceeds to trip over the previous two bags and break the third.
- When Tina took the car for a spin in a massive parking lot, while driving extremely slowly, there was only one parked car there. She managed to crash into it.
- Bob is giving a pep talk to the family, mentioning past difficulties with the restaurant which establishes him as the no-nonsense business owner determined to pull his struggling business out of the red. There's also the line to his kids "You're my children and I love you but you're all terrible at what you do." Bob forgetting the anniversary also establishes Bob's character as being so focused on the restaurant that it often gets in the way of the rest of his life and responsibilities as a family man, a reoccurring conflict in future episodes.
- Linda enthusiastically interrupts Bob's pep talk to drop hints about her and Bob's anniversary which establishes her as the enthusiastic fun-loving one.
- The first line Tina says in the series is "My crotch is itchy."
- Gene disrupts Bob's pep talk by making fart noises with his toy megaphone. Bob also reminds Gene to not annoy any mourners from the funeral home next door while giving off samples and that it's not "The Gene Show" outside and there's a line between being entertaining and annoying. This establishes Gene's showmanship, sense of humor, and his constant desire for attention.
- Louise is told by Bob to not alter his chalkboard and that he's taking away the chalk, of course Louise already has her own chalk on hand. She then proceeds to name the burger of the day "The Child Molester". This establishes her as a rule-breaking prankster with a dark sense of humor who is generally one step ahead of the rest of the family.
- A new health inspector dumps rat feces in the restaurant and shuts it down after Bob refuses to allow him to play his disturbing music (one of his songs is called "Elderly Prostitute") in the place. This prompts Hugo (who had taken a leave of absence) to return to duty, as he should be the one to take down Bob, and do it fair and square.
- Gene and Louise might be absolutely horrible to Tina, but they are the only ones allowed to do it. Ever. And often, this will extend to the rest of their family.
- Bob has a similar personality to Tom from Tom Goes to the Mayor as well as Chris from Dan Vs..
- Louise is Bob's Heloise.
- Ollie and Andy Pesto are really into each other. Like, a lot. Like Walter and Perry in Home Movies.
- Tina's very similar to the animated Karl Pilkington with a similar mouth to Beeker.
- Dr. Yap is very similar to Ben Chang from Community. They're even played by the same actor.
- Boo Boo the singer to Justin Bieber and, notably Niall from One Direction.
- Bob Odenkirk's sleazy insurance agent Chase is essentially Saul from Breaking Bad.
- In "Sacred Cow", Bob faints after he witnesses Moolissa's death, resulting in him having a dream about talking to Moolissa on a cloud and kissing him.
- In "The Kids Run the Restaurant", Bob passes out at the sight of his hand bleeding a bit.
- Apparently, in-universe, fans of a pattycake performance group are referred to as "Patty Daddies".
- Fans of Boyz 4 Now members Allen and Boo-Boo are referred to as Allencoholics and Boo-Boo Boosters, respectively.
- Of course, there are the "Equesticles" for adult male fans of The Equestranauts.
- "The Frond Files": The kids write three stories for a school exhibition, but Frond says they are "inappropriate" and refuses to display them. When Bob and Linda ask why they are "inappropriate," he reads the stories to them.
- "The Gayle Tales": To get out early from grounding, the kids have to come up with stories about Aunt Gayle.
- "Sliding Bobs": The kids wonder how Linda an Bob's first meeting would go down if Bob didn't have a mustache.
- "Mom, Lies and Videotape": After failing to record the the kids' Mother's Day performances, Louise, Gene and Tina come up with completely fictional and improved versions of their crappy plays to Linda.
- "Bed, Bob and Beyond": After watching part of a movie, the kids take turns telling what they imagine happens next, hoping to improve Bob and Linda's moods, and thus get out of trouble.
- "The Handyman Can": The kids take turns telling Teddy stories to restore his confidence in his handyman abilities.
- "Diarrhea of a Poopy Kid": Louise, Tina and Bob take turns comforting a sick and bathroom-ridden Gene on Thanksgiving.
- In the opening titles (starting with the second season), if you look carefully at the pest control van's window, you can see Jimmy Pesto in the reflection. This makes Jimmy the only non-Belcher to appear in the opening.
- In "The Hauntening," Jimmy Pesto's reflection is instead a skeleton in Jimmy's usual stance and wearing his tie.
- "Spaghetti Western And Meatballs" has Mr. Frond's conflict resolution program "A.B.S.": Access your feelings, Be apologetic, Slap it! (referring to giving a high five once the conflict is resolved). Humor is mined from the fact that Frond pronounces the acronym like the abbreviation for "abdominal muscles", resulting in him telling his students to work out their "abs", and at one point offering to show his "abs" to a bemused and disgusted Bob.
- "Mazel-Tina" mentions "BFOS" (pronounced "bee-foes"): Boys From Other Schools. "Sleeping with the Frenemy" derives this into "BFOT" ("bee-faht"): Boys From Other Towns. The latter episode also has Tammy proclaiming herself as an "OOTGF" ("oot-guf"): Out-of-Town Girlfriend.
- In "The Millie-Churian Candidate", a power-hungry Millie Frock runs for class president in order to get closer to Louise and become her best friend. If elected, she plans to impose a system called "BESTIES": Buddying up Everyone with Someone To Improve the Experience of School.
- "Sheesh! Cab, Bob?" has Tina and Gene getting slapped by Louise repeatedly.
- "Bob Day Afternoon" has a cop who removes his headphones every time Louise screams into the phone.
- In "The Kids Run The Restaurant", while Bob and Linda are driving home and Bob's blood is spraying everywhere, a man in the car behind them can be seen looking horrified.
- In "Burger War" when Bob tries to serve his Meatsiah burgers at Jimmy Pesto's, Teddy can be seen at a table hiding his face so as not to be seen by Bob.
- Gene. Almost every other scene with him will contain a fart joke.
- Gloria and Tammy .
- Linda's friend Ginger.
- In "Sliding Bobs" Ginger appeared in a flashback, but her face was hidden.
- "Full Bars" (season 3): The kids travel to King's Head Island to trick or treat in a rich neighborhood and get targeted for hazing by older kids Linda and Bob go to Teddy's party that goes haywire when his guinea pig gets killed.
- "Fort Night" (season 4): The kids, the Pesto twins and Daryl get locked in their box fort by Millie, a girl who's obsessed with becoming Louise's best fried Bob and Linda decide to use the costume they were making for the kids to trick or Treat.
- "Tina and the Real Ghost" (season 5): Tina falls for a ghostly teenage boy that they believe to have locked in a box the ghost attracts business to the restaurant, including a duo of ghost hunters.
- "The Hauntening" (season 6): The family tries to scare Louise during Halloween but things take an unexpected dark turn at Bob and Linda's makeshift haunted house.
- "Teen-a-Witch" (season 7): Tina becomes a witch to attempt to win a costume contest, while Bob's jack-o-lanterns keep getting stolen.
- "The Wolf of Wharf Street" (season 8): Linda and the kids go looking for a wolf on a foggy Halloween night when trick or treating turns out to be a bust. Meanwhile, Bob, under the influence of painkillers, thinks Teddy is a werewolf.
- "Nightmare on Ocean Avenue Street"(season 9): When Ocean Avenue closes street traffic for Halloween, someone starts stealing the kids' candy Bob gets dragged into Teddy's decorating war with a rival contractor.
- "Pig Trouble in Little Tina" (season 10): Tina is haunted by the ghost of the fetal pig she dissected Bob struggles with a serious earwax problem.
- The lesson in "Art Crawl" is, "some people are too fragile to be told the truth". Made even funnier by the fact that the episode seemed to be heading towards a more normal "always be honest" Aesop, but Bob and Linda couldn't go through with it after seeing that it would've caused Gayle to have a Freak Out.
- A lesson in "A Fish Called Tina" is that sometimes people won't like you for no real reason and still won't even if you actively try to make them like you.
- In "Art Crawl", to Dumbos Pink Elephants on Parade with "BUTTS, BUTTS, BUTTS, BUTTS. "
- Bob's dream in "An Indecent Thanksgiving Proposal" spoofs My Neighbor Totoro.
- "Full Bars" features a few nods to The Warriors, including lawyer-friendly musical quotes, and a "come out to playy-aayy!" delivered by the "Hell Hunt" teens.
- The last act of "Moody Foodie" ably apes Reservoir Dogs.
- A Spaghetti Western with a banjo-wielding gunfighter? It's been done.
- The three stories in "The Frond Files" parody The Terminator (with a hint of Jurassic Park), Rock 'n' Roll High School and zombie movies in general, respectively.
- "The Belchies" was inspired by The Goonies complete with a theme song performed by none other than Cyndi Lauper herself.
- In "The Unnatural", Tina goes through caffeine withdrawal and hallucinates a porcelain baby with Jimmy Jr.'s face crawling on the walls, a la Trainspotting.
- In "Mazel Tina", Tammy's video introduction at her Bat Mitzvah was an homage to the opening titles and theme song to the TV show Blossom.
- The final number of "Work Hard or Die Trying, Girl" looks just like "Seasons of Love"
- A graphic with some cinematic allusions in the show can be found here.&loz
- At the end of "The Kids Run the Restaurant", Linda performs a copyright infringement friendly "Anything Goes" tune accompanied by dancing sailors.
- "O.T.: The Outside Toilet" inspired by E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial.
- The singer at the festival in "Food Truckin" is a parody of Tori Amos.
- "The Quirk-Ducers" is inspired by The Producers, complete with a Springtime for Hitler gambit
- In "The Belchies", after Tina invites Jimmy Jr. without asking, Jimmy Jr. brings his friend Zeke, leading to this exchange.
- If the burger of the day ideas we see are anything to go by, Bob is prone to these.
- The shops and the exterminator van in the title sequence always have a different pun to their names in every episode.
- Gene bears a resemblance to his voice actor Eugene Mirman.
- Tina is Dan Mintz, right down to the monotone and glasses, and used to be even more like Dan in the original pilot.
- Mr. Frond looks very much like David Herman, especially when he's wearing glasses.
- Josh, Tina's temporary love interest in season 3, looks like a Ben Schwartz with lighter brown hair.
- Fred Stroller's inksuit guest character, the Sex Shop Owner, in "Bob Rest Ye Merry Gentle-Mannequins"
- In "Family Fracas", Harry uncannily resembles his voice actor, Daran Norris.
- "Broadcast Wagstaff School News":
- The main plot is Tina trying to find out the identity of the Mad Pooper, who keeps defecating in the school. Tammy intentionally takes a dump in the library while dressed as Tina to make it seem likesheis the Mad Pooper.
- During the climax, Zeke reveals that he was the Mad Pooper. The first time he soiled himself was an accident, but he did it for fun in some of the following incidents, and he craps in the assembly to clear Tina's name.
- In "Food Truckin'", there's a hippie singer who claims to be singing about oil spills, but she's really singing about her vagina. It's not subtle. The fact that she seems to be orgasming while singing doesn't help.
- "Jaws" Attack Parody: In "The Deepening". A movie with a similar plot was filmed in town years ago, and Mr. Fischoeder buys the mechanical shark from the movie as a parkside attraction. The Belcher kids play with it and it turns on and falls on its side, sending it wriggling across the block. The residents treat is as if it were a real shark attacking, and it's up to Bob to stop it.
- Hugo the Health Inspector, Jimmy Pesto Senior. Linda was a naggy jerk in most of season one but stopped for the most part in seasons 2 onward.
- Teddy inFull Bars due to Bob accidentally killing his guinea pig he had for years .
- Bob's own children (less so Tina) tend to really undermine his authority and almost never root for him in his endeavors unless it benefits one of their crazy schemes.
- Steve's son, who's a shameless pickpocket enamored with Tina.
- In "Family Fracas", Jimmy Pesto, Chuck and the Channel 13 station owner conspire to keep the Belchers from winning the Game Show, complete with the station owner destroying evidence of their scheming on camera. The only comeuppance for any of them is when Bob makes fun of Jimmy for not knowing how to change a tire on his new minivan (which the Belchers should have won). Originally, the Belchers were supposed to spray Jimmy Pesto with Silly String as revenge, but Loren Bouchard thought it would come off as petty and out of character, so he dropped it. Either way, both endings would have had their share of irate fans.
- Even then, when Bob teases Jimmy about the tire, the rest of his family chides him for being immature and pressures him into helping him change it. Can't Get Away with Nuthin'.
- Overall, as the seasons go on, antagonists tend to get away with tormenting/screwing with the Belchers without comeuppance.
- Bob will never punish his kids no matter what they do and Linda tends to only punish them for things that affect her.
- Earlier, in "Lobsterfest", Ron tries to remind Hugo of Bob's selfless attempts to set Hugo up with Gretchen. The viewer is treated to a montage of these attempts, set to a slow song about being a wingman. that it turns out Ron was singing the whole time.
- It's amazing Jimmy Pesto has more customers than Bob, as most people who eat his food complain about how bad it tastes. Mickey, when robbing a bank, demands a free meal. Jimmy takes delight at the free publicity when he delivers pizza, only to get humiliated when Mickey shoots them and loudly proclaims it's the worst pizza he ever had. He once promised his customers a popular musical duo, only for them to bail when getting food poisoning from his Scampi. He even tried to make his own burgers to spite Bob, only to cry when he realizes how horrible they taste.
- Some episodes imply Bob is the only exception to this in their town. In "Moody Foodie", three restaurants were reviewed by the titular food critic, the Mexican restaurant shutting down from a bad review. Bob however suggests the Jerkass Has a Point about their food. The sandwich shop purposely uses day old bread, the Chinese restaurant reuses uneaten noodles and the Mexican restaurant, despite the owner himself being Mexican, used a different meat for carne asada and didn't know it was supposed to be beef.
- Louise has the same Companion Cube as her father, and under the same circumstances (isolation or emotional distress), almost in spite of her infinitely more nurturing upbringing. Bob also notes that she gets her crazy side from Linda, something Linda acknowledges and validates.
- An invoked example in one episode has Gene dressing like and pretending to be Bob, with uncanny accuracy in appearance and behavior.
- In "Food Truckin'", the Belchers temporarily close the restaurant while they take their business on the road. One day, Teddy is so angry about it that he nearly tries to break into the restaurant by smashing the front window with a brick, but Mort stops him.
- In "Friends with Burger-fits", Bob feels responsible for Teddy's poor health and refuses to serve him any more burgers. Teddy becomes enraged and threatens to murder Bob and Linda, then breaks down crying, then rips up a stool seat, then proclaims unwillingness to live. He tries to work around Bob's cutoff by paying a stranger $300 to buy him a burger, which he then stuffs in a briefcase and eats in the restaurant's bathroom.
- In "Sexy Dance Healing", Bob stops thinking up Burgers of the Day as Jairo thinks it's causing him stress. Teddy is shocked at the sight of a blank chalkboard and goes off on Bob, shouting "It's the only constant in my life!" and demanding that the board no longer be blank the next day. He then goes on a rampage in the street trying to punch cars. The next day, Bob starts making Burgers of the Day again and Teddy is overjoyed to see that the board is no longer blank, even though he doesn't find the burger in question appetizing.
- In "The Horse Rider-er", the restaurant's deep fryer is broken. Linda and the family convince Bob to use their repair funds to send Tina to horse camp, meaning the restaurant stops serving fries until further notice. Teddy is so distraught at Bob's decision that he returns to the restaurant a mere two hours later to angrily ask if the fryer is fixed yet. He copes by buying fries from Jimmy Pesto's Pizzeria, then tries to fix the fryer himself simply by shaking it and exorcising it to no avail. Teddy later calms down and suggests chips as an alternative, but gets mad at Bob again when he says that he doesn't serve chips either.
- In "They Serve Horses, Don't They?", Teddy taste-tests a burger using meat from a new supplier recommended by Jimmy Pesto. Although the Belchers are appalled at the revelation that their new meat is horse, Teddy becomes accustomed to the new meat and breaks down when Bob tells him that they stopped serving horse burgers.
- In "Gayle Makin' Bob Sled", Teddy is out of town during Thanksgiving, but still briefly appears when Bob calls him asking him to pick him and Gayle up in his truck, only for him to reveal that he and his mother are on a singles' cruise.
- In "Li'l Hard Dad", he literally appears in the last five seconds of the episode.
- She says she's ". just gonna make like a tree and go to my room" in Slumber Party.
- "Tina flew too close to the floor. and hit her face on it."
- Bob at Hugo and Ron as petty payback for forcing Lobsterfest on his restaurant. Normally childish for Bob, but it IS Lobsterfest.
- Bob gets mooned by a random, mean bike owner when the bike owner thinks that Bob is stealing his bike.
- While Gene and Louise are riding in Mort's hearse, a police officer passes by (as Mort is currently doing a funeral procession). Gene responds by mooning the police officer.
- Louise is strange, therefore she wears the strange hat.
- Part of what convinces Bob to take a second job driving a cab at night is that he likes the hat he gets to wear.
- Obnoxious In-Laws: Bob can't stand Linda's parents.
- One Steve Limit: Downplayed with Henry Haber (a recurring classmate of the Belcher kids) and Henry (a regular customer at Big Bob's who only appears in "Father of the Bob").
- Also Rudy's (the restaurant Bob enjoys eating at in "Seaplane!"), Pocket-Sized Rudy, and Regular-Sized Rudy.
- Tina suggests in Slumber Party that they could just tell their mom and dad to get Jessica out. but Louise says that "She's mine".
- Hugo in "Nude Beach" with Bob.
- Used by the documentary guys with the cow in the 3rd episode: "It's a COW-NT DOWN!!"
- The names of the "specials of the day" are mostly puns.
- Food Court.
- The show practically thrives on puns.
- Bob. Keep an eye on the Burger of the Day on the chalkboard.
- Really, the whole town qualifies apparently a prerequisite to opening a business there is a pun in your name.
- They're ba-ack. ' As of "The Frond Files" .
- In "The Belchies", Linda puts a "penis pill" in Bob's casserole. He's stuck with a boner for the later half of the episode. Linda even asks it to help them find their kids.
- Gene's reaction to the Marilyn the Manatee puppet he mentions that she made him feel like he had to pee even though he didn't.
- Averted via the heavy use of improvised dialogue.
- Unlike many comedy shows, the characters often react to humorous dialogue appropriately. Characters sometimes talk over each other, stutter, pause to let the other continue only to start up again, admit when someone has said something funny, etc.
- The 2nd episode of the series has Bob going into a crawl space to avoid having to interact with Linda's parents when they come to visit, pretending to be stuck. Not only does he get stuck for real, but he slowly goes insane until he gets freed by, ironically enough, Linda's parents.
- In the same episode, Tina, Louise, and Gene all get detention, which prompts Mr. Frond to pull them out of class in the middle of the school day for a house visit. He arrives at their house with Bob still trapped in the wall and says he's calling CPS, only for Linda's mom to point out how Mr. Frond can potentially get fired for pulling the kids out of school without any permission at all from their parents or the school. Needless to say, Mr. Frond backs off.
- Jimmy Jr. and Zeke.
- The Belchers are all pronounced in these tendencies too. Linda, Louise, and Gene have red personalities while Bob and Tina seem more blue.
- In "Are You There Bob? It's Me, Birthday", Hugo the health inspector takes Bob on an inspection to show how important his job is. The restaurant they inspect is run by a former stockbroker who had no food service training and opened a wrap restaurant because he thought it would be fun and easy. Hugo finds violation after violation and marks the place with an F, then makes Bob eat one of the wraps, which makes him violently ill. The stockbroker doesn't seem to get the message, as he plans to start a sushi restaurant next.
- Felix Fischoeder, the Cranwinkles, Dr. Yap, and Counselor Frond tend to antagonize the entire Belcher clan, yet take on Bob the most (though Frond also is against the kids as much as Bob, and in Felix's case, nearly wreck the town's economic lifeblood)
- Jimmy Pesto and Hugo the Health Inspector are Bob's biggest hurdles in life. The former is a rival restauranteur who goes above and beyond to annoy Bob and even damage his business, including try to buy his house just to drive him away, which in part seems to stem from Jimmy's jealousy for Bob's genuine cooking skills. Hugo is a nitpicky health inspector that is hell bent in shutting Bob down if he ever gets the chance, due to the fact Linda left him for Bob, causing Bob to have a much harder time in the restaurant than necessary.
- Tammy Larson is Tina's recurring opponent. The girl is a bratty Alpha Bitch that sees Tina as the one she should one-up and humiliate at all costs. While Tina can often be friendly to Tammy, she will rarely do the same, and they have more than once competed over a boy.
- Millie Frock is Louise's Evil Counterpart and a full blown sociopathic stalker for her, with her plans revolving around how to force Louise into being her friend. Millie is a surprisingly intelligent enemy, often on par with Louise herself, and is also prone to some quite mischevous and even dangerous actions when her plans go awry.
- Louise and Linda have a shared enemy in the mother and son duo Logan and Cynthia Bush. Louise quite vocally considers The Bully Logan her nemesis ever since he stole her ears, while Linda vocally hates Rich Bitch Cynthia, who constantly berates her. Although there are a few instances where they work together (such as Louise teaming up with Logan to escape a boring seminar), they both hate each other too much for that to last longer.
- Gene's recurring enemy was his Abhorrent Admirer turned rival Courtney Wheeler, an annoying girl with a crush on him that manages to piss off his whole family with her habits, but later episodes shows them making up and even still having lingering feelings for each other. The role of Gene's recurring enemy has since shifted to her father, Doug Wheeler, a Stage Mom that pushes his daughter and often ropes Gene along in his attempts at having artistic achievements.
- According to the title sequence, Bob's Burgers is on their third "Re-Opening".
- Ethan makes up a third rule to induce this in "The Kids Rob a Train".
- Mr. Frond has done this one more than one occasion!
- It's hinted at this by Louise and Gene in "Christmas in the Car".
- The "Boyz 4 Now" subplot has Gene entering a table-setting competition and ending up coming in 4th place thanks to a rather. tactless theme cobbled together out of desperation. Gene, Bob, and Linda are still happy about his placement, since it's apparently the highest any of the Belcher kids have ever placed in anything.
- In "Paraders of the Lost Float" the family enters a float into a parade in hopes that, with only four other floats competing, they would win the $500 prize for fifth place.
- The original concept for the series.
- The songs "Nice Things Are Nice" and "Bad Things Are Bad".
- In "Topsy", Louise describes her lost volcano as "volcano shaped".
- Gene and Linda tend to be the most musically inclined Belchers, with Linda constantly breaking into song and Gene often having new ideas for his keyboard
- Louise and Bob tend to be the snarkier members of family. While Bob tends to be the Only Sane Man, he can be just as vindictive and crazy as Louise when the situation calls for it.
- The western movie series, Banjo, seen in "Spaghetti Western and Meatballs".
- "Beefsquatch" features the morning news program, Get On Up.
- "Family Fracas" features both the titular Game Show and a judge show called Pam's Court.
- "The Equestrinauts" has the title show, a cartoon about horse superheroes.
- The aforementioned Twincinnati.
- There's also the Japanese movie series "Hawk and Chick"
- Gene has a small blue keyboard capable of recording sounds to which he is deeply attached to and is often seen playing (though he plays it less and less with each season).
- In-Universe, Bob and Gene share a love for a series of western movies called Banjo about a man whose banjo also doubles as a gun and is his signature item, even featuring it in the DVD case of the collection of movies.
- Jimmy Pesto.
- Hugo the Health Inspector.
- Logan Bush and his mother Cynthia are this for Louise and Linda respectively.
- In "Lobsterfest," the kids are looking at a pamphlet that Louise says is porn. Bob thinks nothing of it. But once he finds out it's actually about Lobsterfest.
- Likewise, in the beginning of "Hamburger Dinner Theater", Bob seems perfectly fine with the idea of Linda going to a strip club named Pickles. However, he gets upset when he learns she's actually going to dinner theater.
- How Courtney reacts to not being allowed in Gene's musical.
- Louise encourages Tina to do this with her own news show when the current news won't listen to her plea.
- Nothing stops Hugo from trolling Bob. Nothing.
- No matter what, whenever Tina DOES manage to find a boy that likes her in any way, that boy will never be seen again by the next episode and never mentioned again.
- None of Aunt Gayle's love interests seem to last.
- Mort. An earlier episode shows him hitting it off rather well with a woman he met online, but she's never seen nor mentioned again after that episode.
- Tori Amos gets a. tribute in "Food Truckin'".
- The episode "The Kids Rob A Train" can be seen as one to wine tasters, in particular, pretentious ones. The premise of the episode isn't too far-fetched, either, since someexperiments actually do show that professional wine-tasters can be easily tricked, despite their "expertise".
- "The Equestranauts" is one for My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic and especially its infamous Peripheral Demographic, the Bronies (here referred to as "Equesticles"). Although the Take That! is more aimed at the Bronies than the show itself, since the whole episode is dedicated to mocking Bronies while the actual show is just parodied. Although given the positive reception of the episode by the Brony fandom and the fact that it stands as more of an Affectionate Parody, it being an actual "Take That!" is dubious.
- While the episode comes off at first like the typical Brony-shaming, the end of it shows more understanding towards the community as mostly decent people. The real Take That! is directed at Bronconius, who represents the worst people in the fandom.
- "An Indecent Thanksgiving Proposal" (season 3): Mr. Fischoeder attempts to seduce an Old Flame with a thing for married men by hiring Linda and the kids to pose as his family during Thanksgiving.
- "Turkey in a Can" (season 4): Bob tries to solve the mystery of why the turkeys he prepare keep getting thrown in the toilet every morning Louise tries to clear her name of suspicions Gene, Linda and Gayle attempt to create a Thanksgiving song Tina tries to prove she belongs in the adult's table.
- "Dawn of the Peck" (season 5): While Bob stays at home drinking, Linda and the kids attend a "running of the turkeys" that leads to swarms of angry poultry rampaging in the streets.
- "Gayle Makin' Bob Sled" (season 6): Bob attempts to get Gayle (who's suffering from a broken heart and a broken ankle) to their Thanksgiving dinner while Linda and the kids attempt to make the dinner by themselves.
- "The Quirkducers" (season 7): Louise and Gene come up with a plan to get a half-day before Thanksgiving using Tina's erotic holiday fiction Linda becomes obsessed with a potato that looks like her grandpa.
- "Thanks-hoarding" (season 8): The Belchers end up helping Teddy with a Thanksgiving dinner for his family and discover hes a (one-room) hoarder.
- "I Bob Your Pardon" (season 9): The Belchers set out to save a turkey that was supposed to be pardoned by the mayor but is headed for a slaughterhouse instead.
- "Now We're Not Cooking With Gas" (season 10): Bob gets a fancy heritage turkey for Thanksgiving, but a gas outage leaves him struggling to find a way to cook it.
- Inverted. When Linda runs a bed & breakfast at their home, she is the thing that won't let the guests leave, until they're satisfied by her terms.
- How Bob views his in-laws.
- Teddy often ends up being involved in Bob and Linda's situations, whether he's dragged into them or whether he decides to tag along uninvited. In "The Kids Run Away", he decides to crash Bob and Linda's stakeout on Louise, even though he claims that he just happened to be in the neighborhood.
- Zeke is often the third wheel whenever Tina tries to spend time with Jimmy Jr. As a result, Tina doesn't like him very much.
- When an episode involves Gene befriending a talking high-facility toilet.
- There's Gene's love of fart jokes, the episode about "The Mad Pooper". the show actually did this practically Once an Episode, for a while.
- Gene calls the kitchen sink "the guest bathroom."
- "Turkey in a Can" is all about the Thanksgiving turkey ending up on the toilet.
- Everyone in the family but Bob seems to be fine with the idea of tickling a driver (in this case, Bob). Surprisingly, it was Linda who suggested everyone tickle Bob.
- The kids would have been the first ones to be gravely injured in a car accident for completely ignoring the candy cane truck coming from the road while they were pulling back to the street. Louise blames Bob for expecting them to do more work on that.
- None of them but Bob can even tell they were truly going to die by a crazed driver in a candy cane truck and instead decide to blame Bob for trying to get them killed.
- They finally realize the candy cane truck is out to get them when it tries running them all over head on. Even then, they stupidly endanger themselves as they try to make sure it doesn't notice them.
- "The Secret Ceramics Room of Secrets", where the Belcher kids try to find the rumored ceramics room in the school that was walled up in the 1980s after a kiln fire.
- She gets it again after they find the ambergris and she becomes consumed with greed when they make plans to sell it on the black market.
- Ugly Hero, Good-Looking Villain: Though this is an Informed Attribute due to the animation style Jimmy Pesto is often acknowledged as being handsome.
- The Unreveal: In the episode where Louise loses her bunny hat, we never see her bare head completely (though we do see a fair bit of it during the close-up). She has a hoodie on the whole time and when she gets her hat back, she puts it back on over her hoodie.
- Unsettling Gender Reveal: Mort in episode 6.
- The Un-Smile: Tina's attempt to act not-nervous in "Tina-ranasaurus Wrecks".
- Valentine's Day Episode:
- "My Fuzzy Valentine" (season 3): While Linda hosts a Single's Day in the restaurant, Bob and the kids go after the perfect Valentines Day's gift for her.
- "The Gene and Courtney Show" (season 6): Gene and Courtney become the stars of the morning announcements and rekindle their relationship Tina, Louise and Linda attempt to fix a mess Tina made with Valentine's Letters Bob attempt to get last minute carnations to Tina's Valentine's Day
- "Bob Actually" (season 7): A collection of stories of couples in the town. Linda helps a woman get over her break up Bob and Teddy get dance lessons as a gift for Linda Louise deals with Regular Sized Rudy's new found feelings Tina has diarrhea but attempts to get with Jimmy Jr. anyway Gene falls for a substitute kitchen assistant and helps her make dark chocolate.
- "V For Valentine-detta" (season 8): Linda and Louise take Tina for a girls' night out in a limousine on Valentine's Day after Jimmy Jr. breaks her heart Bob and Gene attend a couple's trapeze lesson.
- The moan comes back in Season 8 "V For Valentine-detta". For 12 hours straight.
- "The Belchies", to The Goonies: Louise, Tina and Gene go on an adventure after a treasure supposedly hidden beneath an abandoned taffy factory.
- "The Deepening", to Jaws: A mechanical shark is released accidentally and terrorizes the town.
- "Bob Day Afternoon" to Dog Day Afternoon
- "O.T. The Outside Toilet" to E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial
- "Family Fracas" to Double Dare (1986)
- "Christmas in the Car" to Duel
- "Stand by Gene" to Stand by Me.
- Bob and Linda's plot in "A River Runs Through Bob" is a parody of the Discovery Channel series Naked and Afraid.
- Louise's and Gene's stories in "The Frond Files", to The Terminator and Rock 'n' Roll High School, respectively. Tina's is basically an "erotic friend fiction" version of The Walking Dead.
- "Gene It On" to Bring It On
- "Bob And Deliver" to Stand and Deliver (with a bit of Dead Poets Society at the end.
- Louise, upon discovering that her father considered a spatula, a brillo pad, and a dog-shaped piece of soap toys while he was growing up, asks if it's possible to feel sad for another person. Possibly intentionally invoked as a joke, since she doesn't seem to be quite that sociopathic.
- In "V For Valentine-detta," Tammy says Becky's phone number begins "201", which is a New Jersey area code.
- If you see the name of damn near any business, odds are it's a pun. "It's Your Funeral" Mortuary to the left of Bob's Burgers, the ever-changing storefront to its right, the exterminators in the Couch Gag.
- Bob himself notes the entire town has this problem in various episodes, we see businesses like Who Cut The Keys? (a locksmith) and Waxing Philosophical (a grooming parlor.)
Hitler Created a Fictional Persona To Recast Himself as Germany’s Savior
In the summer of 1923, Adolf Hitler realized he had a problem. Germany was in the midst of an extreme economic crisis that inspired widespread feelings of disaffection, worries about national and personal decline, a wave of anti-globalism, and the political turmoil that the 34-year-old Nazi leader had been longing for.
But for Hitler, this air of imminent national revolution had come too soon—because no one yet realized that he should be Germany’s natural leader.
This was his own fault. For years, he had steadfastly refused to be photographed and had not given anything about himself away in his speeches. Instead, he had relied solely on the power of his voice to create a following for himself. And while his carefully choreographed speeches had been sufficient to turn him into the enfant terrible of Bavarian politics, Hitler concluded that his chances of becoming the face, or at least a face, of the national revolution were close to nil if people did not even know what he looked like.
So he went to the opposite extreme—producing picture postcards of himself and distributing them widely.
Hitler’s radical recasting of his public image in 1923 went further than that—and said a great deal about the kind of leader he was aspiring to become. A garden-variety demagogue might have simply created an outsized image for himself, an inadvertent sort of cartoon. Hitler did something more sophisticated. He made the case for a new kind of leader, and created a semi-fictional alternative version of himself that would fit his own job description.
To sell the idea that he was Germany’s savior-in-waiting, and to boost his profile outside of Bavaria, he wrote a very short autobiography to be published together with a selection of his speeches. In the autobiography, he told the story of how his experiences as a young man provided him with revelations about the nature of politics that would allow him to save Germany from misery and make it safe for all times.
But publishing such a self-aggrandizing portrait would have repelled Germany’s traditional conservatives, so Hitler searched for a writer with impeccable conservative credentials willing to pretend to have written the book. Doing so would come with a double payoff: Hitler’s shameless act of self-promotion would be concealed, while the impression would be created that he already was in receipt of widespread support among traditional conservatives.
This led Hitler to Victor von Koerber, a blue-eyed and blond young military hero and writer. A North-German aristocrat, von Koerber was attracted by the promise of a new conservatism fused with the youthful idealism of National Socialism.
The book—published under the title Adolf Hitler, sein Leben, seine Reden (Adolf Hitler: His Life and His Speeches)—was banned soon after publication, limiting its intended impact. Yet the book sheds light on how Hitler—in a moment rife for demagoguery—managed to rise to the top against all odds.
Hitler often paid lip service to the myth—which tends to be believed by historians to the present day—that he was only “a drummer” who was doing the bidding of others and had no ambitions to lead Germany into the future. But in the book, he put into the mouth of Koerber his own determination that he was “the leader of the most radically honest national movement […] who is ready as well as prepared to lead the German struggle for liberation.”
Hiding behind Koerber’s name, Hitler could get away with pronouncing himself Germany’s “messiah.” His autobiography-in-disguise repeatedly uses biblical language, arguing that the book should “become the new bible of today as well as the ‘Book of the German People.’” It also directly compares Hitler to Jesus, likening the purported moment of his politicization in Pasewalk to Jesus’s resurrection:
“This man, destined to eternal night, who during this hour endured crucifixion on pitiless Calvary, who suffered in body and soul one of the most wretched from among this crowd of broken heroes: this man’s eyes shall be opened! Calm shall be restored to his convulsed features. In the ecstasy that is only granted to the dying seer, his dead eyes shall be filled with new light, new splendor, new life!”
Given that he wrote this stuff, Hitler’s need to pretend to be a mere “drummer” is simple: He had to square the circle. On the one hand, he desired to put himself in a position to head a national revolution. On the other hand, Germany’s conservatives had their own political ambitions. Hitler could only advance by pretending that he would be their tool, while attempting to create the impression that his support among them was already larger than it really was.
The Hitler of this episode belies the common misconception that he was a primitive, raging, and nihilistic dark elemental force. Rather, he was a man with an emerging deep understanding of how political processes, systems, and the public sphere worked. His study of propaganda techniques while serving in World War I had provided him with an appreciation for political narratives that would help him plot his way to power.
Getting Koerber to release his autobiography helped Hitler create a politically useful narrative. By making the case for a new kind of leader, without explicitly naming Hitler, it insidiously created the public perception of a gap that only he could fill: a man without a pedigree coming out of nowhere with an innate gift for seeing the hidden architecture of the world and hence to build a new Germany. In short, Hitler cleverly exploited the way the German political system and the public sphere worked, so as to build a place for himself.
Demagogues come in several varieties, from populists with no genuine core beliefs to ideologues of various political convictions. They include rational as well as irrational actors. Some are figures who know when to retreat to moderation, and others never know where to stop, thus planting the seed of their regime’s self-destruction. The problem is that it is only in hindsight that we can tell how any specific demagogue will develop.
Koerber and other conservatives thought that they simply could use Hitler. But they did not understand, at least in 1923, how the common language and style of demagogues-in-the-making looks very similar at the beginning, while their inner selves vary greatly. Unlike many others, Koerber of course knew how clever a political operative Hitler was, but the young aristocrat could not really see into Hitler and misjudged him.
When confronted with emerging demagogues, in moments when people yearn for strongmen and novel kinds of leaders, history thus cannot tell us until it is too late whether an individual is a Hitler, a Franco, a Lenin—or, for instance, a populist who, while flirting with authoritarianism, ultimately manages to withstand its seduction.
Victor von Koerber eventually learned the hard way that the person he had imagined Hitler to be when lending his name to him was a very different man from the one who would rule Germany. He grew disillusioned with Hitler in the mid-1920s after seeing how he presented himself once his trial (in the wake of his failed putsch) had finally transformed him into a public figure.
In the late 1920s, Koerber began issuing warnings about the dangers Hitler posed to the world. But by then, it was already too late to stop him. Once the Nazi Party was in power, Koerber helped a prominent German Jew to get out of the country. And then Koerber began to feed the British military attaché in Berlin with intelligence. Koerber ultimately landed in one of Hitler’s concentration camps, which he barely survived.
Sexual Harassment Claims Confront Music Industry : Bias: Three record companies and a law firm have had to cope with allegations of misconduct by executives.
The $7-billion-a-year record industry, periodically beset by controversies ranging from payola to drugs, is quietly exerting damage control over a potential new scandal: complaints of sexual harassment by some of the top executives in the business.
During the past 18 months, The Times has learned, at least three major record companies and a prominent Los Angeles law firm have had to cope with allegations of sexual misconduct by executives. In two cases, the misconduct had purportedly gone on for years.
Spokesmen for RCA, Island, and Geffen record companies acknowledged in terse statements to The Times that allegations of sexual harassment had been lodged by employees against a major executive at each company.
Meanwhile, an attorney once lauded as the biggest deal-maker in the business settled out of court several months ago with a former law clerk who sued him for assault and battery. Once head of the music department of the prestigious Los Angeles law firm Mitchell, Silberberg & Knupp, the attorney is no longer a partner there.
While sexual harassment in the music industry is described as the exception rather than the rule, dozens of industry sources said executive womanizing has been tolerated--even joked about--in certain offices for years. Women said in interviews that they had developed informal networks to warn each other of “bimbo hounds” who demand sex as the price of admission into the glamorous business.
In recent years, however, the freewheeling independent labels that helped create rock ‘n’ roll have been taken over by more traditional corporations fearful of costly lawsuits. Industry sources say sexual comportment has been a behind-the-scenes factor in certain recent executive shake-ups.
“The music business is basically a microcosm of society--it is controlled by white men, some of whom carry their power with dignity and honor, and others of whom use it to manipulate, exploit and repress those less powerful,” said Rosemary Carroll, an attorney with the Beverly Hills law firm of Codikow, Leventhal & Carroll, which specializes in music.
“Sexual harassment may be a more serious problem in the music industry than in the overall business community because of the fact that ours is a relatively young business and that those most successful in it have grown used to writing their own rules.”
The latest and most lurid of the alleged incidents involves Marko J. Babineau, former general manager of David Geffen’s DGC label. Geffen Records is a hugely successful company known for nurturing quality artists such as singer-songwriter Joni Mitchell and promoting blockbuster sellers by bands such as Guns N’ Roses.
Babineau, 40, resigned Sept. 4 after his 28-year-old secretary, Penny Muck, complained that he had “masturbated in front of (her) in her office despite (her) protests” and ejaculated “onto a magazine she was reading,” according to her attorney, Benjamin Schonbrun,and several other sources.
Babineau could not be reached for comment. The Times attempted to contact him through Geffen Records and acquaintances, and sent letters by messenger to two of his homes, but he did not respond.
Records show that the secretary signed a claim against Geffen Records with the California Fair Employment and Housing Commission and the federal Equal Employment Opportunity Commission on Sept. 12, saying she had been verbally and physically harassed by the general manager on four occasions in July and August. The last incident, she reported, took place Aug. 20.
In a statement prepared for The Times, Schonbrun alleged that Geffen Records “had knowledge of the deviant behavior of one of its executives and did not take appropriate measures to ensure a safe and sexual harassment-free environment at Geffen for years.”
Geffen sources told The Times that Babineau had sexually harassed other female employees as far back as 1984, when he became head of promotion at Geffen Records.
“When I went to the legal department and complained,” said one woman, “the question was never what to do with the men, but what to do with these women.”
She and other Geffen sources said two women had previously been transferred to other departments after complaining about Babineau. Babineau was promoted, eventually becoming general manager of Geffen’s new DGC label when Geffen Records was sold to MCA Corp. for about $540 million in March, 1990.
On Sept. 4--fifteen days after the latest reported incident--Geffen Records issued a news release saying that Babineau was taking a six-month “break” after 20 years in record promotion to spend more time with his family and baby daughter.
Geffen President Ed Rosenblatt said at the time: “I speak for David Geffen and everyone at our companies when I say we’re going to miss Marko. He’s not only made an important contribution to our success, but is a good friend. Thus, we respect the personal choice he’s made and wish him well.”
When pressed about the sexual harassment allegations against Babineau, Bryn Bridenthal, vice president of media and artist relations for Geffen Records, issued a new statement:
“This company is dedicated to the principle of a harassment-free work environment. We do not condone or tolerate harassment of any kind including sexual, racial or religious. But we are also dedicated to due process and believe it is wrong to prejudice any claim. Therefore, because of potential litigation, our attorneys have advised us not to comment further on this subject.”
Bridenthal declined comment when asked whether Babineau had masturbated at his secretary’s desk. She also declined comment when asked if Babineau was terminated because of the allegation. David Geffen personally declined comment as well.
Ellen Darst, a director at Principle Management, best known for managing the Irish rock band U2, said the news of Babineau’s purported behavior “mortified” both men and women in the industry.
“I would like to be able to say that the Babineau incident has prompted a closer scrutiny, but I don’t know that that’s true,” she said. “I haven’t heard any executives saying: ‘Isn’t that a shame, we’re going to institute a policy in our company to deal with this, or set up counseling to help victims deal with it.’ ”
More than 50 industry sources were interviewed for this story, but most declined to be identified, fearful that their careers could be endangered. Penny Muck agreed to go on the record with her allegations only after requests from The Times.
Several of the women interviewed told tales of being slapped on the buttocks in the office, encountering demands for oral sex in limousines, or fending off bosses before evening concerts.
The women said most of the harassment they had experienced came from men who either worked in record promotion departments, or who had once worked in promotion. Given the nature of their work, industry sources say, it is not surprising that it is promotion men who are being singled out for criticism.
The loosely monitored promotion departments are responsible for securing air time for new releases, and some men there have at times been tied to payola scandals involving bribing station programmers with money, gifts, prostitutes and other amenities. One woman known in the business as a “tough cookie” left promotion, telling friends she was at a disadvantage because she could not comfortably take men to strip joints.
To a far lesser degree, women also reported problems in some “artists and repertoire” divisions. The powerful A & R divisions are occasionally placed under pressure to supply performers with drugs and women.
Some executives, both men and women, also declined to be identified for fear of being blackballed in an industry whose executives change labels frequently. Others feared alienating promotion men they rely on to get their companies’ records on the air, or said they were reluctant to give new fodder to groups seeking to censor records.
Some of these sources theorized that the industry--with its marketing of sex, its focus on youth, and its widely criticized degradation of women in videos and album covers--had come to tolerate in the workplace the same attitudes expressed in its recordings.
“We’re an industry that hasn’t grown up, that’s made up of a bunch of adolescent guys going through puberty at 40 years old,” said one male executive, who added: “To be fair, there are scores of females begging and promising anything just to ‘be with the band.’ ”
Babineau and others accused of sexual harassment were often described as flamboyant, even charismatic men who had worked their way up to positions of power on solid records of success. Some are industry pioneers.
Attorney Abe Somer, longtime head of the music department at Mitchell, Silberberg & Knupp, negotiated what was then believed to be the most lucrative contract in rock ‘n’ roll history when he signed the Rolling Stones to a multi-album deal with Atlantic Records in 1974.
Last year, Somer and the firm were sued by a young law clerk for assault and battery. Somer “threaten(ed) physical contact in the form of lewd sexual contact, actually engaging in such improper contact and touching and physical abuse . . . without plaintiff’s consent,” the suit alleged.
The former law clerk settled her suit about 10 months ago, reportedly for a six-figure sum. She declined comment.
Somer also declined comment. “I can’t say anything,” he said. “I’m legally prohibited. No comment.”
Somer, 53, had a history of sexual harassment complaints at the firm.
About 10 months ago, a secretary settled a second sex harassment complaint against Somer, The Times learned. An affidavit submitted in support of that complaint by a former law clerk swore that she, too, had been sexually harassed by Somer. The clerk, who is now an attorney, said in an interview that Somer harassed her in 1986 when she expressed interest in working in the firm’s music department.
She said Somer asked her to meet him at his home, where he often worked. When she arrived, she said, Somer told her that as a condition of joining, she would have to drop her boyfriend, take adjoining rooms with him when on the road, and engage in sex with recording artists upon request.
“I kept telling myself, hey, this can’t be happening, this is a senior partner at a law firm, he wouldn’t do anything to put his own job at risk,” she said.
When she protested, she said, Somer told her she was “too conservative” for the music business. She said he disrobed and demanded sexual favors. She said she ran out of the house and filed a complaint with the firm.
According to her affidavit, a member of the firm’s management committee told her in 1986 that Somer had “similarly sexually harassed other women” at the firm and had received a “hand-slapping.” The affidavit says she was also told that any damages assessed against the firm for his behavior would “come out of Mr. Somer’s pocket.”
Attorney William Cole, speaking for the law firm, responded: “All I can say is that we as a firm have a strong policy against sexual harassment and we actively enforce that policy. And part of that policy is to maintain privacy on both sides of any harassment allegations.”
Since the assault and battery lawsuit was filed, Somer’s status at the firm has been changed from partner to “of counsel,” a loose association that means he is not an employee. He no longer maintains an office on the premises.
Two other sexual harassment complaints deal with prominent New York executives.
Jeff Aldrich, former senior vice president of artists and repertoire for RCA Records, was fired by RCA on Jan. 2, after an investigation into allegations of sexual harassment.
A RCA spokeswoman said the in-house inquiry was initiated after several female RCA employees complained that Aldrich, while inebriated, had sexually harassed them at a company conference in Scottsdale, Ariz., in December, 1990. One of the women he allegedly harassed was the girlfriend of a powerful RCA executive. The company would not comment on whether any financial settlement had been reached.
Aldrich voluntarily checked into a drug and alcohol rehabilitation program on Dec. 17, and RCA terminated his contract two weeks later. He declined comment.
“We are appalled by actions that involve harassment of any kind,” said Trish Heimers, vice president of communications at BMG, the German conglomerate that now owns RCA Records. “We believe strongly that sexual harassment has no place in the work market and it will not be tolerated at BMG.”
Six weeks after Aldrich entered the rehabilitation program, on Feb. 1, RCA rehired him as an independent consultant. He continued to work in that capacity until July, when he was hired by Los Angeles-based Giant Records. He is now an executive in the artist and repertoire department.
Mike Bone, a former promotion man who has been president of three record companies in three years--Chrysalis, Island and Mercury--has been sued for sexual harassment and wrongful discharge under New York state human rights laws.
Lori Harris, Bone’s former administrative assistant at Island, sued both Bone and Island in July, accusing Bone of “using his position as plaintiff’s supervisor in an attempt to influence, coerce and induce plaintiff to engage in sexual relations with him. . . . When (Harris) refused . . . he fired her from her job with Island.”
According to several Island and other industry sources, Bone is accused of making sexual advances toward Harris at an industry party in July, 1990, and firing her the next day for refusing to accede to his demands. Harris, while declining to go into detail about the allegations, said in an interview that she was fired the morning after the incident.
“We all do stupid things in our life at some point. He had been drinking, and if he had said he was sorry the next morning, I would have understood. But he didn’t say that. . . . Instead, he fired me.”
Harris, an attorney’s wife, added: “Fortunately, I was in a position to say no. A lot of other women aren’t. To me, this amounts to economic rape, which is despicable.” By filing suit, she said, she resigned herself to never working in the industry again. She now is a real estate agent.
Bone’s attorney, Barbara L. Levine, said her client had not read the suit and would have no comment until he had. Bone left Island in December, 1990, a few months after the alleged incident of harassment, to become co-president of Mercury Records. Island and Mercury are owned by PolyGram.
“Allegations of sexual harassment had absolutely nothing to do with Mike’s decision to go to Mercury,” said Eric Levine, vice president of business affairs at Island Records. “No settlement has been made. The matter is currently pending so I am not at liberty to discuss it.”
Bone left yet another job Friday when PolyGram issued a statement announcing that “effective immediately, Mike Bone will no longer serve as co-president of Mercury Records. We wish him the best of luck with his next endeavor. Future plans for Mercury will be announced shortly.”
PolyGram staff called The Times daily this week asking the publication date of this article. However, Dawn Bridges, vice president of corporate communications for PolyGram, said the timing of his exit was “an unfortunate coincidence” and had nothing to do with allegations of sexual harassment.
As reports of sexual harassment against these and other executives spread, both men and women in the industry are beginning to examine gender-related behavior some felt had previously gone unquestioned.
“These are the heads of companies and the top partners in firms,” said one major Los Angeles music deal-maker. “Can you imagine what happens with the lowly directors of small firms? This behavior is epidemic in the industry and accepted as the norm without people questioning it--either men or women.”
“These are big names in the industry,” said Nancy Jeffries, vice president for artists and repertoire of Elektra Records in New York, one of the highest-ranking women in the industry.
“But this didn’t really hit the industry. Everything’s been addressed as privately as possible. . . . I don’t hear men talking a lot about this, but I have seen a lot of discussion out of the women’s end. We are all kind of waiting to see what happens, actually, to see whether this kind of behavior will interrupt anybody’s career.”
Jeffries and other executives stressed that most men they have worked with are as horrified as women at the recent allegations.
Michael Greene, president of the National Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences, which hands out the annual Grammy awards, has been an outspoken critic of the industry for its so-called degradation of women.
“I think there are elements, particularly within promotion of the recording industry that . . . sometimes can get out of hand,” he said. “I know there’s been a few incidents, but you can find a few incidents everywhere. I think we are just a cutaway of society. We’re just higher profile.”
Greene said women faced “probably more” job discrimination in the industry than in many other fields, however.
To many women, job discrimination and sexual harassment go hand in hand.
Some complained that women have long been “ghettoized” in publicity departments and a few other areas, just as women in the movie business have traditionally been relegated to such fields as development--where they are sometimes referred to as “D-girls.”
“We work in an industry where mentoring is everything,” said one mid-level record company executive. “You don’t learn how to sign artists in college even more than in the film industry, you learn on the job.
“Everybody has heard of the ‘casting couch,’ but people probably don’t have any idea that sexual harassment is five times worse in the music business. I think that’s because this (sexual harassment) is basically a warping of the mentoring process.”
Before moving from one label to another, women said they rely on each other to pass on advice about known womanizers in specific departments. Some firms--Warner Bros., for example--were repeatedly described by women as safe havens from harassment.
Typically, women said, they are told to “loosen up” because the music business is “different.” One secretary said her former boss demanded that she touch his genitals in the office as a test of her ability to “fit in,” and threatened to fire her if she did not. When she complied, she said, he continued to demand such activities upon threat of telling others what she had done before.
Part of the problem, women said, is that men, particularly in some promotion departments, hire women for their looks and tell them they will show them the ropes in the business.
“If you can’t stand the heat of being pretty,” one secretary said she was told in her office, “then take a . . . can opener to your face.”
The Best 53 New Skills To Learn
There is nothing like knowing that you can drop someone if you need to. Not in an alpha, I can whoop anyone’s butt way. But in a way to where you feel that if push comes to shove, your shove would be stronger!
Here is a great video to check out to become a low key certified ninja offering you 5 self defense moves!
Speak A New Language
Imagine being able to switch between two different languages as you speak? To communicate or even translate for people. To go to a different country and fit right in! This is all made possible by learning a new language. Did you know that there are more than 7000 languages in the world?! I certainly didn’t! As far as business purposes and job opportunities and networking, the 5 most useful languages to learn include:
Master Some Basic Dance Moves
There is nothing like going into the club and not knowing how to do anything but move back and forth! There is always a guy that comes in with confidence and throws off a few dance moves. Nothing insane like MJ used to do. But something that gets the crowd noticing.
You can be that guy or girl! Picking up a few basic skills around dancing can let you walk into any party and have some skills in our tool belt. If you are single, this will catch the eye of the one you have your eye on. If your not, then you you will make your bae fall in love with you all over again!
Here is a great video to teach you some basic dance moves!
Change A Flat Tire
Being stranded on the road with no skills on how to get yourself off that stranded road can be a recipe for disaster. Knowing how to change a tire provides you with a feel of safety and security while on the road. And even if your phone dies, or you can’t get service somewhere to jump on Youtube to watch a tutorial, you will know you have this skill.
Of course, the things you need to have to change out a tire are a spare tire, a wrench, a jack and if you can, the vehicle owners manual.
I referred to my friends and Bridgestone Tire to help us analyze this skill. Steps to changing a tire include:
- Turning on your hazard lights, parked at a safe location.
- Put the parking break on.
- Wedge the back tires with a rock or brick to keep it from rolling.
- Remove the hub cap.
- Loosen the lug nuts by twisting them counterclockwise. Don’t remove them completely. Only about 1/3 to 1/2 of a good turn.
- Set the vehicle jack under the frame of the tire that has gone flat. Your vehicle manual will tell you exactly where to put it if you have the manual.
- Raise the vehicle up about 6 inches with the jack.
- Now you can unscrew the lug nuts completely.
- Take off the flat.
- Place the new tire on.
- Tighten the lug nuts by hand.
- Lower the vehicle to the ground.
- Tighten the lug nuts completely with the wrench.
- Put your stuff away and drive to your destination!
Jump Start A Dead Battery
What may seem like an easy one, many people don’t know exactly how to get a battery up and going! No shame! Here are the steps to getting your car started and running again:
- Take the jumper cables out.
- Place both vehicles either in park or neutral. Then shut off both ignitions.
- Put both parking breaks on.
- Attach one of the red clips onto the positive terminal, it will be labeled either with a + or POS. It is also larger than the negative terminal.
- Then take one of the black clips and clip it onto the negative terminal of the opposing battery.
- “Attach the other black clip onto the negative terminal of the other battery.
- Then ground the other black clip to a metal surface on the car, that is not on the battery.
- Start up the working vehicle, allowing it to run for a couple minutes.
- Then try to start up your vehicle. Drive the car around for a bit so that the battery charges itself up.
Learn How To Start A Fire
There is nothing more primal than getting a fire going, ANYWHERE. But the fact of the matter is that we may not have matches on us to get the blaze roaring. There are ways to start a fire without matches, so you are ready to provide heat to your group. At anytime and in any place.
Create Better Cover Letters and Resumes
It never hurts to walk into a place and set down a fresh and captivating resume. Something that stands out from the crowd. It can virtually guarantee an interview in most cases. Giving you a head start to a new career.
For the ultimate list of tips on how to create a solid cover letter and resume check out this link!
There may be nothing more important to learn on how to market and make money, then learning Search Engine Optimization (SEO). With good content and SEO skills, you can create a profitable online business for yourself. Market your services. Get your videos in front of people. And say what you have to say to the world on a national scale.
It is a complex process, but with basic skills, you can set yourself apart from 90 percent of people online. Here is a great guide to check out if you are looking to learn the ins and outs of SEO.
Perform The Heimlich
At the end of the day, you could be around when a catosrophe happens. A child or adult is going to town on some food, and all of the sudden, their face starts to go blue and they can’t talk. This is the time where it is life and death. And you can learn the skill that can keep this person alive. The Heimlich maneuver is great at dislodging objects out of someone’s windpipe.
MayoClinic gives us 4 easy steps to performing the maneuver. They include:
- Standing behind the person that is choking. Stagger your stances slightly so that you have good balance. Then place your arms around their waist.
- Tip the person over slightly if they are and adult. If they are a kid, kneel down behind the child.
- Grab one fist with the other hand. Then press hard into the abdomen. Do so quickly and upward. Think of yourself as almost trying to lift the person up when thrusting into them.
- Thrust into the persons stomach between 6-10 times.
Learning How To Meditate
With the world today going lightening fast, and stress at an all time high, we need a way to center ourselves. And get grounded in this crazy world. I have tried A LOT of things that help ease stress. Nothing has ever helped me more than mediation! I created a guide for you on how to start mediating. It will teach you the basic ins and outs of how to meditate for beginners! Here is is:
Again, we have to have some things that keep the human race alive on our list of skills you need to learn! The Red Cross gives us a great guide on how to perform CPR with tips that include:
- Checking the scene to make sure things are safe, then patting the person and shouting “Are You OK”.
- Then call 911, or get someone near you to do so, after evidence that the person needs help. Send a bystander to find an AED.
- Open the airway by tilting the persons head back slightly while they are lying on their back.
- Listen for breathing, for no more than 10 seconds. If you can’t hear it or one is gasping, then start the CPR process.
- Push hard and fast. Place one hand on top of the other in the middle of the persons chest. Administer 100 compressions per minute using your body weight to help you with the process. Go at least 2 inches deep with your compressions.
- Deliver rescue breaths. Pinch the nose shut and tilt the persons head back slightly so that their chin is lifted. Your mouth should be over theirs to a point that it is completely sealed.
- Administer two rescue breathes, then go back to administering your compressions.
You can have the greatest vision, the best pick up lines, the most important message the world needs to hear. But if you cannot communicate, then you are dead in the water. Communication is one of the top skills people search for in their employees. And what all leaders need in order to lead effectively. I wrote a couple of article to help you with this process that you can view below!
There is no better way to get to where you are going when you KNOW where you are going. Goal setting allows us to follow a path with the end in mind. There are a small amount of people that set goals and go after them. Those people mostly make up the population that has the most money and are the most happy. I wrote an article just for you on how to set an accomplish any goal in your life. Check it out here:
Captivating an audience is an art and a skill that when one has it, allows that person to move mountains. You can sell your vision or yourself with ease. And master a fear that is so deeply ingrained in us. In doing so, you naturally feel more at ease in every other are of your life. Inc.com offers us some tips for us on how to better our public speaking skills, some of those tips include:
- Knowing Your Audience – Who are they and what do they want and need to take away from the talk? Know your demographic.
- Rehearse often and anywhere. In the plane, train, car, bus or at home in the mirror. Build the muscle that strengthens your public speaking skills.
- Practice with distractions – Rehearse your speech with the TV on or while you are cleaning the kitchen.
- Have good body language and movement. Don’t hunch over and sit or stand still. Move and have energy coursing through your body.
- Speak slowly, this will keep you calm and collected and won’t show any nervousness.
- Keep eye contact with your audience.
- Pause during your speech. Let what you are saying sink in.
- Sprinkle in humor.
- Ask for feedback from your audience.
Tying Faster (Touch Typing)
There is nothing worse than a slow typer! Increasing your typing speed will give you a great thing to add to your resume. Some of the benefits of typing faster include of course getting projects done faster, being more accurate, less mental fatigue and a feeling of overall better productivity. Here is a brilliant guide for how to type faster, if you need some help hitting more words per minute!
Ridding Yourself of Limiting Beliefs
At the end of the day, our beliefs shape our entire lives. They are a pure manifestation of what our life looks like right now. It takes certain skills and mindsets to learn how to replace negative beliefs with positive and uplifting beliefs.
If you need help with this, I have created a guide just for you. Check it out right here!
Whistle With Your Fingers
There is something impressive about someone who can zing out a nice whistle above the crowd. It makes an impact on the group. It is a skill not many people have. This article can help you master this technique QUICK! Check it out here:
Write With Your Opposite Hand (Ambidextrous)
Writing with both hands doesn’t just look impressive, it actually strengthens new neural connections within your brains. It can help you avoid mental decline and memory loss as this is an excellent brain exercise. The more you become ambidextrous, the more you will form these new neural connections. This is a great way to focus on health prevention and prepare for a happy future.
Make Balloon Animals
Literally you can go into any part and become the life of it if you can make balloon animals! By doings so you can win the heart of any kid. Look good in front of your crush. And be the talk of the party during, and long after! Here is a video on how to create your first balloon animal. A beginners guide!
Creating A Budget
Believe it or not, creating and keeping a budget requires a skill set. But doing so will put you on the path to financial independence. Part of an elite group of what is only 1 percent of the people in the world of whom have done so before 50. You can work on creating your budget through the link below, showing you a step by step guide.
Write In Perfect Calligraphy
Hand written notes are held dear to the heart of the recipient for a long time. You can build better professional relationships by writing cursive letters to your prospects and clients. As well as make an impact with the people in your lives by writing beautiful holiday and birthday cards.
Learn How To Tie Knots
Learning how to tie knots can come in handy in your life. It can range from tying a good knot on your fishing line so you can reel in that beauty without it breaking. To tying a solid knot with a rope to hold your body weight in a survival situation in the wild! And anything in between. Here is a great article on tying knots that can help you master 17 different styles!
There is nothing like reading an entire page and then thinking to yourself “What did I just read!?” Not only does speed reading help you read more, faster. It also helps you retain more information. Literally the ultimate combination for learning and mastering subjects.
The other benefits if speed reading include helping us focus more on what we are reading. Improving our logic and helping our brain become better at sorting information. Helping us relax more as reading can be very stress reducing. And improving our memory as we are forming faster and strong neural connections through more mentally straining activity.
Remove Stripped Screws
This can come in handy for pretty much anyone on the planet. You can actually pop out a stripped screw failure easily with a rubber band. You put the rubber band over the stripped screw and then point your screwdriver head into the screw. Then turn and it should come out fairly easy at that point! You can also use vice grips if this doesn’t work. Or resort to popping it our with a hammer like you would do with a nail.
Look for even more ways on how to remove a stripped screw, here is the ultimate guide:
Hanging Pictures On The Wall
There is an art to hanging pictures that can make or break the environment you live in. Whether you are hanging just one, or multiple in different locations on a wall, there is an art to it. Get it right and your house will look more welcoming and neat. Get it wrong and your home will look like a frat house! Here is a guide to help you get it right every single time!
The Art of Pickup
It never hurts to walk into a room knowing that you can influence the opposite sex. Coming in, you will be more confident. As preparation puts anyone’s mind at ease! Yes this is mostly for the gents, but being as this is the 21st century, ladies have it just as tough sometimes out there as well!
Some quick tips for you courtesy of this awesome site GirlsChase.com, include picking up on women in the day time. This is because at night, at clubs, there are infinite amounts of numbers of men picking up on women. They also have less of an ego, because of the fact that they don’t have their pick. There are less men, giving you a better chance and helping you even look more appealing.
We also need to be focusing on making good direct eye contact. The best way to start this process is to find the most attractive women and hold eye contact with her until you are past her field of vision.
And of course, watch your posture. Pull back those shoulders. Most of communication is non verbal and this starts with holding yourself in a powerful position. Stand up completely straight as if a string is holding you up.
For more great tips on pickup, check out this link! Girlschase.com
Fix A Window Screen Tear
One of the worst investments we can make is a new window screen. No one will ever come over and remark about the beautiful new window screens we have! We would rather be spending our money on much more beneficial things for our lives!
You want to start by removing the screen from the window and then proceed to cut a square where the damage is located. Cut out a square that is slightly bigger than the portion that is damaged. Then unravel the edges and bend the existing screen until the point where they are interwoven. Then put glue around the border of the interwoven area.
For a complete guide on this process, check out this guide:
Change Your Oil
There aren’t many things in this life that can bring you feelings of competence like changing your own oil. It is an empowering feeling knowing that you don’t need to put your car in anyone else’s hands. It is pretty meditative as well! Here is a 5 minute video explaining how to change our own oil!
How To Visualize
Our outer environment is a mere projection of what is going on inside us. In order to create a better life for ourselves, we must first see it with our minds eye! I created a guide on how to visualize and manifest anything you want in this life! Check it out here:
Clean Your BBQ
No matter if it is grilling season or not, you want your grill to look good. You don’t want that thing building up grease and looking grungy when it comes time to cook up that expensive meat! If you want to learn how to keep your grill perfectly clean and ready to go, check out this resource:
When we manage our times, we feel great about our day. We go to bed knowing that we got things done. That we are moving forward in life at a good pace. That we are using our limited time here on earth more effectively. Either you master time or you waste it. There is no in between. If you master it, you can do more in a month than most people do in a year. Here is a resource for you I wrote to help you!
How To Exercise Safely
The worst thing we can do is start a workout plan and get all hyped up, start getting results and momentum, and then BAM! We get hurt with bad form.
The main things to keep in mind when looking to exercise correctly include always monitoring your breathing. You want to keep good pace with your breath. Not holding it.
Brace your core for big lifts like squats, deadlifts and leg press. It will help you protect your lower back and give you more strength in your lifts. Making you more powerful in your functional movements.
Also remember to always keep good posture when lifting. Pull your shoulders back. Don’t lift in slouched positions. Act as if there is a cord attached to the roof. Holding you perfectly upright.
Good Photography Skills
Our life is a series of moments and memories. We can capture them in way that we won’t remember them. Or we can take pictures of them that make the memory last forever. Taking beautiful and captivating photos is an art and a skill set that anyone should have!
Here is a quick video on 7 powerful photo taking tips!
Play An Instrument
There is no great past time like playing an instrument. It puts you completely in the moment. Giving your mind a deep sense of peace. Some of the other great benefits of learning how to play an instrument include:
- A better immune system and ability to fight viruses
- Increases your hearing skills giving you more fine hearing.
- A good form of exercise
- Better posture.
- Better coordination
- Makes you a better listener, both for notes and to people.
- Helps you make new friends!
Some of the most popular instruments to learn how to play are:
This can be a great skill to have on your resume. As well as let you create some awesome memories with all your videos and photos. For you to keep or to give to people as gifts. You can also create videos that you put on Youtube and generate revenue from. Which every million views gives you $1000. And I know this seems like a lot, but trust me, it adds ups very quick with 7 billion people on this planet!
You can also use it to create better presentations for work. Or for your clients if you are self employed! Saving you a ton of money you would spend to outsource.
The Art of Listening
There is something about a good listener that makes us feel great about ourselves. We feel heard. They aren’t distracted by anything else. Making us feel like we are the center of attention. Think about it. You can probably distinctly remember what it felt like to be truly listened to. Maybe it was a family or friend or even therapist. Regardless of who it was or what we were saying, we remember how it felt to be truly tuned into.
We can be this person for the people in our lives. It can help us build better friendships, intimate relationships as well as help us create better business relationships. Catapulting our careers.
I have a guide for you on how to truly listen. Check it out here!
General Cooking Skills
Most of us haven’t came to far from pouring a big bowl of cereal for ourselves or cooking top ramen in college! But we can literally spice up our lives but learning how to make the food we eat taste better. It will make us look forward to cooking, as cooking can be extremely therapeutic. It also feels great to feed our friends and family with our creations from the kitchen. If you have the desire to do so, here is a good article to check out!
Good Etiquette (38)
Good social and relationship etiquette can speak louder than the words you actually say. It can make you create some excellent first impressions. And look very distinguished and put together. It can allow you to hold a posture that others just can’t. Setting you apart from the crowd. A few tips that can help us have good etiquette include:
- Waiting for all the food to get to the table before starting to eat.
- Telling people they are on speaker when they are.
- Not turning your cup upside down when you aren’t drinking wine.
- Shield your lemon when squeezing it into your glass.
- Restrict business texts and calls to certain hours.
- Dab your mouth before you drink to avoid staining the glass.
- State your name and reason for calling and what time when you leave a message.
For 50 different etiquette tips, be sure to check out this article!
Story telling is an art. When mastered can captivated any race, gender or ethnicity in the world. We all love stories. We are all still just little kids at heart. Waiting for the character arches and plot twists. When you can weave the audience through the maze of a story and bring them out at the end satisfied, you have mastered one of the best skills to have of all time.
How To Treat People With Utmost Respect
We get along a lot easier in life when we treat people nicely. The whole, what comes around goes around kind of thing! But in all seriousness, treating people with respect and kindness can help you feel like you are making the world a better place. It is one of the basic laws of human nature. Do unto others as you want done unto you. I have created a couple resources for you here to help you!
Defining Your Core Values
Every single life choice is dictated by the things we value. But when it comes down to it, we may be incredibly vague when it comes to what our core values really are. Thus leading us to making decisions that we regret later. Once we start honing in on what our core values truly are, we can start to operate in an authentic way. True to ourselves. And get closer and closer to what we want out of life. And who we want to become. Below are a couple resources I created for you on how to define your core values.
Juggling can be a great past time and a way to put on a little show for you buddies. It is a great mental workout and gets you out of your comfort zone constantly! Hey maybe even one day you can do so with fire sticks and get paid millions of dollars to go on tour around the world!
Basic Home Repairs
Being versatile with tools and fixing things around the house can save you some time and money. At the end of the day it can also save you having to wait around for the plumber. Or have the awkward silence of them being around the house, working while you are trying to relax on your ONLY day off!
Learn How to Be Funnier!
I am not talking about being THE FUNNY GUY! No one wants that title attached to their name! No my friends, I am talking about mastering the art of humor. So you can make anyone you want laugh. Laughter is medicine. People love be humored. And you tend to make a longer lasting impact on people when you can make them laugh. It also shows high levels of intellect. It can be hard being funny! I have a guide on how to be funnier though, just for you my friend! Check it out here:
Basic Sowing And Patching Skills
Look, I don’t care if your a guy or girl. We have all been in that situation in which we blow out a pair of pants. Or a button flies off our favorite shirt. Or we tear a sleeve when we yank that favorite shirt off after a long day! But if you can learn to sew and stitch, there is no worries to be had when these situations and scenarios come up in your life!
Identify Your Passions
When it comes down to it, progress equals happiness. If we are doing something we are passionate about, we naturally want to do more with our life. Which in turn, means we take more action and make more progress. Getting happier and happier each day, week, month and year. Something that we hate going to sleep because of. And can’t wait to get up and go hard at once the sun rises. Here is a guide on how to find your passion if you haven’t found it yet. Because it is not an easy job doing so!
Hydration is key to living an optimal existence. Some of the signs of dehydration include sleepiness, dehydration, irritability, confusion, feeling dizzy, rapid heartbeat and even fainting! Geez, makes me want to go get a nice glass or gallon of water and guzzle that baby down! Some tips for how to stay hydrated include:
- Keeping a water bottle on you all day. Or a yeti and always filling it when you can.
- Drink water when you start to feel hungry.
- Add lemon or natural water sweetners to your water if you don’t like the taste of water.
- Drink a certain amount at each meal. Or set timers on your phone each day. Even for every hour to remind you to stay up on your water intake.
- Use apps to remind you to stay hydrated. Here is a great resource:
There are so many benefits of stretching. At the end of the day, most of us sit hours and hours out of the day. This results in our hip flexors becoming very tight. This can result in our pelvis actually titling more forward. This is one of the main causes of the lower back pain epidemic sweeping the nation! You will also have much better posture by incorporating a good stretching routine into your life. And you will also find it meditative as you can really create a good mind body connection during your stretching time.
Paint and Draw
There are so many benefits of paining and drawing. Some of which include fostering creative growth, strengthening memory, the promotion of optimism, emotional growth, better motor skills and helps us solve problems better.
It can be a great creative outlet. And who knows, you could be an absolute natural and sell your work for millions! It is a great hobby to have that can bring you happiness and contentment.
The Art of Relaxing
I am not talking about plopping down on the couch after a long day! I am talking about truly relaxing so that your mind and body becomes rejuvenated and ready to tackle the next day with vigor and vitality! A few tips for good relaxation and stress management include:
- Deep breathing and mindful breathing.
- Scan your body for tight and tense spots and relax them.
- Take baths.
- Write out your goals so that you are less stressed about the future.
- Get massages and others forms of self care.
- Get into nature more. Fish, walk by rivers and become mindful of all the sights and sounds of your surroundings.
- Drink more green tea with honey.
- Massage your own hands and shoulders.
- Massage your feet over a ball.
- Visualize your body perfectly relaxed.
- Write out what is stressing you out and solutions for how to fix them.
When it comes down to it, our portion sizes have gotten out of hand. We eat way too much which results in us gaining weight. And after years of doing this, we can find ourselves with a body we don’t like. The first step towards lasting change is swapping out bad habits with good habits. So portion control is the good habit we are going to swap with overeating! Some tips for better portion control include:
- Drink water before you eat your meal.
- Fill up your plate with veggies before you put anything else on the plate.
- Have your plate consist of 1/2 vegetables, 1/4 meat and 1/4 carbs.
- Portion out a 1/3 of your meal to eat later. This can help you manage overeating.
- Measure your food. Never eye ball.
- Eat mindfully, being present with each bite. Chew more times. 40 per bite if you can.
- Use the same plates and bowls so you don’t risk using a bigger plate or bowl and eating too much because of it.
Proper posture can help us feel more confident, breath better, avoid abnormal wearing down of our joints, less stress on our ligaments and prevent our spines from becoming fixed in abnormal positions. Some tips for how to have good posture include:
Nothing is truly fixed in this life is you are good at negotiating! Having negotiation skills allows you to get a better salary, pay less for the things you buy, and even coerce that special someone to go out on a date with you! A few tips for how to become a better negotiator include:
- Never be afraid of asking for what you REALLY want. Being assertive when you do so.
- Listen more than you talk. You talk 30 percent of the time and the other person talks 70 percent of the time. This will allow the other person to tell you everything you need to know.
- Don’t be in a hurry with the process. Be patient.
- Aim high and expect the best outcome.
- Focus on the other persons pressure, not yours. Especially when you are buying something that someone is selling. Like a car. People want the commission and there is more pressure on the person selling the item that then one that is buying!
Have You Been Noticing a Lot of Skulls Lately?
Nobody could have predicted it. If you were a man in the nineties, a skull on your T-shirt was the perfect complement to bad teeth, split ends, and musical taste that led to early tinnitus. It was the kind of look that said, Sure, I like to key a beer or twelve at a bush party, but I'll chill with a doobie and a Poison power ballad, too. Today, the guy with a skull T-shirt is waiting at the bar for Amy Winehouse in "You Know I'm No Good," and he's probably just come from snorting coke off an Olsen twin's tits. What used to be a symbol for borderline-sociopathic tough guys with weird design fetishes -- Hells Angels, pirates, Nazis -- has become a trope de luxe, the kind of image you find on Gwyneth Paltrow's scarf when she's taking baby Moses for a stroll.
No one has embraced the image of the skull as an accessory like Damien Hirst, the forty-three-year-old British provocateur and darling of the nouveau riche. He set a standard for himself when his tiger shark in formaldehyde, "The Physical Impossibility of Death in the Mind of Someone Living," sold for $8 million in 2004. Now he's ensured his status as the world's most expensive living artist with "For the Love of God," a diamond-encrusted platinum skull, sold in 2007 to an investment conglomerate for $100 million. What's even more incredible than the price tag is that the buyers got their money's worth. "For the Love of God" is a work as powerful in its way as Duchamp's urinal, so simple and so perfect a gesture that it's instantly unforgettable. Hirst ends what Warhol began: Art as commodity cannot go any further.
At the glittering, chilly heart of the work's success is a combination of the oldest truths and the latest superficialities. The diamond skull is both an expensive version of the mall rat's skull-covered Vans and the inheritor of the grand tradition of the Christian memento mori. A kind of Hamlet with Yorick's skull, set in the food court. For Hirst, the aura of profundity is just another luxury good. He ordered up a celebrity from Bentley & Skinner of Bond Street, and already it needs bodyguards.
The memento mori originated in medieval Europe, born out of a desire to recognize mortality and the ephemeral nature of the material world, but even then, the skull was an opportunity to make gorgeous little trinkets. Skulls carved in Germany open like pop-up books to reveal minutely carved, highly detailed scenes of the crucifixion or apocalypse on the inside. Others show lifelike snakes crawling through the eye sockets of once-beautiful maidens. Perhaps the most elaborate of all these death reminders is the Capuchin Crypt in Rome, where whole skeletons of dead monks have become decorations: elaborate curlicues of vertebrae on the ceilings, rosettes of human shoulder bones, wall stands of skulls. A sign on the floor reads, "What you are, we were. What we are, you will be."
All is vanity. That's what the skull says, and that's what it has always said. For medieval Christians, that truth was a call to recognize a reality deeper than the physical world. Not for us. Our skull art says, Death? Who cares? Recently, Kristin Davis, the madam of a high-end Manhattan brothel that was at one point connected to the Eliot Spitzer scandal, appeared in court wearing, according to The New York Times, "a black-hooded jacket emblazoned with rhinestones in the shape of a flaming skull." Davis's lawyer described her as "clothed with the cloak of innocence." We stare into the face of death and ask ourselves, Can I get it in pink? It's spiritual daredevilry: How materialistic can we go? Look, it says, I know that wealth is ephemeral, and I know that all flesh is grass, but I still choose ephemeral wealth. I choose the flesh that I know is going to rot off my face. You don't have to go to the movies if you want to see the kingdom of the crystal skull. It's called Western capitalism right now. When the street artist Skullphone posted his logo, a skull using a phone, on Clear Channel screens across L. A. in March, his fellow artists thought he'd hacked into Clear Channel's system. Nah. He had to pay for it just like everybody else.
Nietzsche said that it takes courage to live on the surface of things. Indiana Jones is full of that courage, which is why the crystal skull is the perfect MacGuffin for him -- and for now. All those circuitous trips around the world, all the tight scrapes and near misses, all those beatings, and in the end, he gets to keep nothing. My favorite moment in the whole series comes at the beginning of "The Last Crusade," when River Phoenix stumbles onto treasure hunters digging up the Cross of Coronado. "That cross is an important artifact," he seethes hilariously. "It belongs in a museum." By the standards of his younger self, Indiana Jones is a complete failure. The Ark of the Covenant is lost in bureaucratic shuffles, the Sankara Stone has to be returned, the Grail disappears down a crevice during an earthquake. Inevitably, whatever Indiana Jones struggles to possess slips out of his hands once he touches it. Indy, like us all, is living with the poignancy of commerce mixed with death: It's so beautiful, it's so luxurious, it's all going to go away so soon.
"Realizing I Was A Girl Trapped In A Boy's Body Wasn't Nearly As Hard As Explaining That To My Identical Twin"
I pulled my mother's purple blouse over my head and watched in her full-length mirror as it engulfed my 10-year-old frame. Paired with her silver scarf and long denim skirt, I looked as if I'd been swallowed by a Sears store. But I didn't care: I loved playing dress up, especially when everyone else was out of the house. It was my secret.
But then one day in the fall of 1999, I heard my mom call, "Seth!" from downstairs. My stomach knotted up and my heart began pounding as I tore her clothes off my skinny, angular body and stuffed them behind the row of blazers she hadn't worn since quitting her teaching job. "Still not feeling well?" she asked when I ran into her in the hallway, breathing heavily. She placed her hand on my warm, clammy forehead (from the adrenaline burst, not the illness I'd faked to get out of going to school that morning). Since moving to Flagstaff, Arizona that past summer I'd forgotten school ends at 2:45 pm instead of 3:15 like it did back in Los Angeles. I'd lost track of time&mdashmom was just back from picking up Eric, my identical twin.
Eric and I were born one minute apart. Not only did we look exactly alike&mdashbut we also did everything together: We shared bunk beds, had all the same friends and tried (and failed) at all the same sports. (Thankfully Eric was just as bad at Tee-ball and Micro Soccer as I was.) My mom even dressed us in coordinating outfits: a blue T-shirt and brown pants for Eric meant a brown shirt and blue pants for me. I didn't mind&mdashI never knew what to wear: Even though I was assigned the male gender at birth, I never felt comfortable as a boy.
Above: Sara, left, and Eric, age 2
I knew I was different from age nine. I was lying in a hotel bed during a family vacation to Las Vegas when my dad had the puberty talk with me and Eric. "Your body is changing," he said, matter-of-factly. Like it was no big deal that my voice was dropping an octave and hairs were sprouting from my face. "You're becoming men," he added proudly. I felt more like my body was betraying me. Every change made me feel like I was moving that much further away from who I truly felt I was: a girl trapped in a boy's body. I couldn't tell my dad that, though he wouldn't understand. He droned on about hormones and erections having no idea how anxious this all made me feel. I looked at Eric, wondering if he felt as conflicted as I did, but he just nodded along as though it all made perfect sense. I decided to follow Eric's lead from that moment on&mdashhe clearly knew much more about being a boy than I did.
So when Eric asked for a Led Zeppelin shirt for his 12 th birthday, I did, too. When he signed up for the Boy Scout summer camping trip, so did I. I even copied his class schedule. The more I copied him, the better chance I had at hiding this seemingly freakish part of myself. Eric never noticed that I checked to see what he was wearing to school before I got dressed every morning, or that I always dropped "Boy" from "Scouts" because being in an all-boys group made me feel even more out of place. That obliviousness is why I didn't confide in him&mdashinstead, I just mimicked him in public, and continued to dress up in private.
I soon grew tired of my mother's stuffy adult wardrobe though. I wanted to wear cool clothes that fit. One afternoon, I discovered the Lost and Found at my middle school. "I left my jacket here last night," I told the office attendant, a bored-looking 25-year-old who jerked her thumb towards a large box and went back to reading her US Weekly. I spotted a soft blue sweater and my heart skipped a beat. I quickly shoved it and a pair of black leggings into my backpack and left. Back home, I put on the sweater, which smelled like the lotion section of Bath and Body Works. I felt elated&mdashand transformed.
Stealing girl's clothes became an addiction. That summer, at the town swimming pool, I watched a girl leave her white tank and black mini-skirt on a lounge chair. I waited until she dove in before concealing both items in my beach towel and sprinting to my parents' van where I stashed them in a back seat cubby, ironically next to a first aid kit: These clothes were my lifeline. I thought I was stealth, but then one afternoon, my parents picked me up from school unexpectedly. I was 12 years old and usually took the bus with my brother. I knew something was wrong&mdashmy father looked furious and my mother was on the verge of tears. I was in the back seat of our car when they said Emily's mother had called. "She said you've been stealing her daughter's clothes," my father said.
My lungs felt like they'd collapsed in my chest. It was true: During a play date, I slipped into Emily's bedroom while she and Eric played video games. I grabbed a pair of her flared jeans and a peasant-sleeve top in her dresser, and snuck into the bathroom. I put them on and sat in that bathroom for more than an hour, lost in reverie&mdashuntil I heard a knock, followed by, "Are you alright, Seth?" It was Emily's mom. I quickly stuffed the clothes into a cabinet and shouted, "Yes, fine!" She found them two weeks later, and called my parents. That changed everything.
When my mom announced in the car: "You're going to a therapist. Now," I started crying. My secret was out&mdashand my parents were even angrier than I'd imagined. Watching my father's lips tighten as he drove scared me. But not as much as my mom's words: "The therapist will fix this." I wasn't just different I was broken.
I spent the next hour sobbing on the therapist's couch. She used the term "cross dressing" in a cold, clinical way, which made me feel more freakish than ever. Still, when my parents picked me up, I said, "Don't worry&mdashit's just a phase." I knew that's what they wanted to hear.
Above: Sara, left, and Eric, age 10
I went to that therapist every Wednesday for the next eight years. My parents sometimes asked how it was going. "Okay," I'd reply, and they'd drop it. Meanwhile, Eric had no idea. Our older brother had left for college, so I got my own bedroom freshman year. This meant I could dress up whenever I wanted, which helped offset my increasing anxiety over high school and dances, dates, and girlfriends. When a girl asked me to be her date for homecoming, I went, but it was so torturous that I told her I didn't feel well after one song and went home.
By then, simply walking to my next class gave me crippling anxiety, but I was so used to hiding parts of myself that I did the same with these desperate feelings. My depression soon turned into suicidal thoughts. One night, during spring of my freshman year, I put on the black skirt and white tank top. Then, I applied blue eye shadow that I'd stolen from a friend's '80s-themed birthday party and colored my lips red with a nearly empty tube of lipstick that my mother had tossed in the trash. I brushed out my shoulder-length hair, which I'd been growing for three years. If I couldn't live as a girl, I wanted to die as one.
I snuck out of the house to get rope from our van. Back in my room, I shoved aside the suit jackets and collared shirts I'd hated so much and tied one end of the rope to the bar in my closet. I fashioned a noose and slipped it around my neck. It's a good thing that I never paid attention in (Boy) Scouts&mdashthe knot didn't hold. I fell to the floor, sobbing. I was failing in life, and in death, too.
I've since learned that 41% of transgender people will attempt suicide, which is nine times higher than the national average. At the time, I couldn't have felt more alone&mdashand so I decided since I could never be a girl, I'd do my best to be a boy. It was the only way to survive. That same night, I cut my hair. As the strands fell to the floor, a numbing sensation spread throughout my body: Each chunk was a piece of me.
The next morning, I went to school wearing an Avengers T-shirt and jeans. I didn't wince when people complimented my new haircut. For the next six years, I repressed all urges to dress up. I did what I had to do to fit in.
Meanwhile, Eric had no idea I was experiencing any of this, and somehow we remained inseparable. We both enrolled in Northern Arizona University, which is in our hometown, and even shared an apartment together.
Above: Eric, left, and Sara, age 19
My junior year of college, I signed up for a gender studies class on a whim. It was mid-October 2012, and the topic that day was "transgender." I'd never heard the word, but my mind was reeling as the professor clicked through her slideshow. The first few described terms like "transexual" and "cross-dressing," which I recalled from therapy. But when she clicked to a slide on hormone therapy, my heart stopped. My professor explained that this was a way for people to transition to the gender they felt they truly were. I could barely sit still: She was describing everything I'd felt for so long. As soon as the bell rang, I sprinted home and typed "hormone therapy" into a search. Suddenly, I was looking at hundreds of videos of people sharing stories just like mine, like Jessica Tiffany and Jen Paynther, two gorgeous girls my age who were assigned the male gender at birth. For the first time since I was nine, I felt like I had a chance at happiness. I wasn't a freak in need of being fixed. There was a name for my experience, and others who knew how I felt. Even better, there was a way to become my true self: a woman.
From then on, I spent every spare moment researching my options. I wanted all my facts straight before I told my parents.
On January 6, 2013, my mom invited me and Eric home for a family dinner. I stayed at our apartment and gave Eric three identical letters explaining that I am transgender to take with him. I told him to wait to open his with our parents. In it, I explained the history of the term transgender, and that I was sure this is what I am. I also said I was planning to transition to becoming a woman&mdashbut wouldn't have surgery yet, at least not right away. After so many years of anguish, I wanted to be as clear as possible.
Eric returned to our apartment, stunned. He told me that he literally collapsed when he read my letter.
"I never saw this coming," he explained. The conversation that ensued was painful and awkward.
"How did mom and dad take it?" I asked.
"They're worried about surgery," he admitted. "I know you said it's not on your mind right now, but they think it's dangerous."
"All surgery is," I pointed out.
He nodded, and then looked at me and said, "I support you."
Relief washed over me. His response was better than I'd dared to hope for. Although we had a few gay friends that he'd been fine with, this was a much bigger deal. I wasn't sure which he'd be more upset about&mdashthe fact that I am transgender, or that I'd kept this painful secret from him, my identical twin! But here he was, not only accepting me, but also supporting my decision to be myself at last. After so many years of feeling claustrophobic, I could finally breathe.
I should have known he'd understand. We were literally one egg that split into two.
After I came out to my family, I asked them to call me Sara, my new, chosen name. The two girls who shared our apartment caught on quickly, but Eric kept calling me Seth. I know it's a hard habit to break, but it's particularly painful when Eric refers to me as "he" while I'm dressed up. It makes me feel exposed, like I'm pretending to be something I'm not. Still, I'm proud of how far Eric has come, even when he messes up my pronouns. I was Seth for 21 years, and I've only been Sara for two.
Above: Sara, left, and Eric, age 23
I'll never forget when I finally gathered the courage to go shopping for my own clothes I was surprised that Eric wanted to tag along. As I was standing in the dressing room, staring at my flat chest and the thin veil of hair covering my body that remains despite laser hair removal treatments, I was overcome by embarrassment. I could hear other women in the adjoining stalls saying, "I can't wait to see that on you!" to each other. I suddenly felt so silly in the neon pink button-up and skinny pastel jeans I chose, going overly feminine to hide the fact that I still had a boy's body. As I started to undress, I heard my brother's voice.
"Come on out," he said softly. "I want to see!"
I opened the door, feeling defeated.
"It's awful, I know," I rushed to say, but Eric shook his head and simply said, "You look amazing."
I looked up at him, shocked. "Really?" I asked.
"Really," he said, smiling broadly. "It's like you finally are who you are supposed to be."
2 Answers 2
The fat in the milk is a red herring here. At best, you would have to be a professional baker who knows the same recipe by feel to be able to notice the tiny difference made by 2% vs. 3.8% milk in that recipe. I would start in very different directions.
First, was it really a disaster? This is a 80% hydration dough, and that with whole flour - I would fully expect it to be sloppy and gloopy. There is nothing wrong with that. If you haven't baked bread of different hydrations before, or no soda bread (which has lower gluten and so doesn't come together as much), you may be imagining something firm and plastic like pasta dough. This is not what the recipe is about. When they say "shape it into a ball", they don't mean a sphere, they mean a boule. It will be certainly wider than it's tall. Just continue working with it.
If it is too extreme - e.g. it becomes a flat disc, or even flows freely - I can think of two possible problems.
- maybe you didn't measure correctly. The recipe is given by weight, but if you tried to measure by volume, you might have been off. Or you were not perfectly concentrated and by mistake put in 500 ml milk and 400 flour, or a similar mistake.
- maybe you used a different flour than what they have used. While white flour is pretty standardized, whole flours can differ a lot in their absorption ability.
- Update: As per J..'s comment, the amount of lemon juice can be significant for that amount of flour. It might be worth using a smaller lemon, or not that much juice. (Or maybe go with real buttermilk instead of creating a substitute on the fly).
In any case, you can try saving the failed recipe by adding a little bit more flour this time (but don't make it as firm as mid-hydration yeast bread dough).